Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Summary: One magic ticket stolen from the movie "Last Action Hero" and a fangirl with a mission, correct the biggest mistake in canon ever!
Warnings: Crack!fic to the extreme
Notes: Thanks to kimalis for betaing it.

The Fangirl Who Saved Canon

by
Kitty Alex

Spike looked at the nervous girl sitting in the arm chair. She was fidgeting and her right leg was shaking as she looked around the dusty crypt. He poured himself a drink and watched her.

“So, you’re from the future?” he asked, not really believing her.

“No, uh, sort of an alternate dimension where you’re a fictional character played by the very talented actor, James Marsters. Then there is this huge following and I was watching season five, there are eight seasons in total, you see. But, you aren’t in season eight; you’re on Angel the Series now.”

“Uh-huh,” he said thoroughly unconvinced. “How’d you get here then? Portal? Broom stick?”

“I found a magic ticket that belonged to Harry Houdini. I decided to come here and warn you. Is Harmony here yet? Because you so don’t want to get back in it with her. You want to avoid blondes.”

“Right, no. Harmony ain’t here. She kicked me out after I got my chip in and couldn’t bite anyone. Now, let’s say I believe you. What are you here to warn me against?”

“I’m here to warn you against falling in love with the slayer.”

Spike began laughing, it hurt he was laughing so much. He tried to sober up when he saw the serious look on her face.

“You’re trying to warn me against falling in love with the slayer? We’re mortal enemies!”

“Oh, for now, but then you start up with Harmony. Then you have a dream that you want Buffy, you start fucking Harmony because she is almost the same size as Buffy. You even steal her clothes and make Harmony wear them. I’m trying to save you from being completely pathetic here.”

“Fine, oh great one from another dimension. Why do I fall in love with Buffy?”

“Fuck if I know. You just had a sex dream about her and were like ‘Holy shit, I love her’ then we were supposed to accept it as canon. I do know someone who you would be great with. They are always checking you out; then their verbal sparing suggests they might be teasing you because they like you.”

“And who would that be?”

“Your nummy treat, Xander,” she said excitedly. “It’s so obvious. Then once he even says that he likes your compact yet muscular body.”

“He said that?” Spike said running a hand across his chest. “Whelp’s a bit of a loser though, ain’t he?”

“Have you seen him without his shirt on? I have. He’s completely well built. Then he’s going to get split in half by this one magic. After that he’s going to move out of his parent’s basement and have a full time job working construction.”

Spike turned it over in his head, “He’s got that demon bint though.”

“Just think of it this way. You’re saving her. In a year’s time, he’ll leave her at the altar and she’ll end up going to you for a pity shag. You don’t want to be a pity shag, do you? Then everyone gets all mad at you, including Buffy. Then after some more bad things happen, you get your soul back.”

“MY WHAT!?”

“Your soul.”

Spike grabbed his duster and started heading out the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m going to go shag Xander.”

~*~*~*~*~

Xander smiled and turned in his lover’s arms. He looked at Spike who was grinning widely at him. Xander blushed, he knew he should be feeling like a slut because not only was he cheating on Anya, but he had given in so easily after Spike just burst in and started making out with him. He kissed Spike’s nose and nuzzled against his muscled chest.

“So, how was it, love?” Spike asked him.

“Brilliant, Spike. I didn’t even know you were interested.”

The End

Feed the Author