Family Bonds
by
Kimalis
55
Xander sat stiffly on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. When he felt the cushions dip he looked up at Spike.
“So. Giles, Anya and now Angel. Anyone else know more about my life than I do?” Xander asked him sourly. “What about Rose? Now I think about it, I’m pretty sure you and Rose were talking around something last night.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah but that’s it love, no one else.”
“You plan on catching me up or you want to tell the rest of the town first?”
Spike put a hand on his leg. “Are you going to let me talk to you?”
“Just do it, stop messing around with me and tell me what everyone else seems to know.” Xander shifted himself back into the corner of the couch and made himself comfortable crossing his legs and folding his arms. It was a barrier between him and Spike that suggested no nonsense until everything was out in the open.
Spike took the hint, slid back to the other end of the couch and faced Xander. “To be honest, I hoped that maybe you might have come across it in one of those Watcher’s Journals and made the connection already.”
“I could have done Spike, but unless you tell me what it is, how will I know?”
“True, love,” Spike conceded. “Okay, you know about all the skills and enhancements and ramifications of becoming a consort yeah? But there’s one thing I just didn’t know how to tell you, not until I had an option for you; maybe a way around it.”
Xander watched him steadily, still angry that he had no idea while others seemed well informed, but willing to hear Spike out, if only he would get to the damn point. His thoughts must have been obvious, because Spike continued quickly.
“We have this connection yeah? But as well as it meaning that we feel and sense each other and belong to each other it means that your existence is tied to mine. Love, if I die, you die.” Spike delivered the words and waited.
Xander took a moment to process this. It shouldn’t come as a surprise and it didn’t. As a consort he had taken all aspects of Spike’s nature, then why shouldn’t his entire existence depend on Spike also? “You didn’t know how to tell me that? It was pretty simple in the end wasn’t it?”
“No there’s nothing simple about it love,” Spike said.
“Tell me how it will happen,” Xander demanded, his tone leaving no room for argument.
Spike shrugged. “I can’t really say, you would just gradually wind down, stop eating and sleeping. I suppose if you want a word for it, you could say it was like pining away. You might last a few weeks or a few months; it’s one of those things that’s different for everyone. Like Rosie said, the bond is fluid.”
“Are you planning on dying any time soon?”
Spike looked quizzically at him. “Wasn’t in my diary for this week love, no.”
“And in the meantime it’s business as usual? Your injuries won’t affect me?”
“No they won’t and business is as normal as it can be if you’re my consort.”
Xander nodded his understanding. “Spike you’re over one hundred years old. Despite how it looks sometimes, you aren’t stupid or careless. You’ve lived a more dangerous life in the past that what you have done for the last few years and you made it through that okay. If you mean what you say about not feeding from humans then that alone increases your life expectancy. We fight together now and if you help train me properly then that has to help too right?”
“There’s a lot of variables mate. But yeah, those things will make a difference,” Spike agreed.
“And who knows, in a hundred or two hundred years or whatever, I may have had such an amazing, full life that I’d be happy to go with you.”
Spike growled and shot forward, his finger in Xander’s face. “No! You don’t talk like that love. You want me to go and dust myself if something happens to you?”
Xander calmly pushed Spike’s hand away and waited till Spike sat back again. He understood Spike’s reaction, his would have been the same. “No I don’t. All I’m saying is that the whole thing is probably so far away, it doesn’t bear worrying about now. Neither of us know how we’ll feel or react when it happens so I’m not making predictions either way. Not like I have a choice is it?”
“Well now love. Funny you should say that,” Spike began carefully.
Xander saw the hesitation on Spike’s face and knew that hadn’t been the only thing. There was some issue of a promise between Spike and Angel and Xander knew it was going to be something big. Spike didn’t ever look that edgy. “Go on. You need to finish this,” he said quietly, bracing himself for something he knew he wouldn’t like.
“Angel is the head of our clan. You’re part of the clan, an important part and Angel has recognised that. He said you’re family and you would be protected.” Spike took an unnecessary deep breath and closely watched Xander’s reaction. “If something happens to me, Angel has promised to take over your claim.”
Xander’s reaction was not what Spike expected. A heavy fist flashed out across the couch and, at the last moment, glanced off Spike’s face. Xander threw himself away from the couch, away from Spike and paced the living room floor, disgusted with himself, repulsed by Spike’s proposal. “WHAT THE FUCK SPIKE? You would just hand me over to Angel? What am I, some kind of possession? Am I just a toy that gets passed around the family and everyone gets to have a turn?”
Spike’s eyes flashed with gold and he would have been out of his seat and across the room in a second if Xander hadn’t been unable to control the enormous wave of hurt and anger he was feeling. As it was, he could almost see the instant Spike caught it and it stopped him in his tracks.
Spike wiped the trickle of blood from his lip. Xander had pulled the punch but still, it was enough to split his lip. “He can save you.”
“If that’s the option then maybe I don’t want to be saved,” Xander yelled. “You would have him bite me? After last night you would suggest that to me? How can you? It makes me sick just to think of someone else biting me, claiming me. And Angel? What the hell are you thinking? Are you even thinking?”
“You think I actually want him to claim you? I can’t bear the thought of anyone else touching you. But more than that, how could I know you might die because of me and not do anything to stop it?” Spike tried to catch his hand as he stalked behind the couch, but Xander avoided him. “You just said it. You don’t know how you’ll feel at the time do you? I wanted you to have an alternative. I can’t be that selfish that I would just assume you would want to die with me. I had to make sure you would be okay if that’s what you wanted. Just to have the choice love.”
“Some choice Spike. Die a lingering, agonising death or let your sire who hates me take a poke.” Xander stopped pacing and stared at Spike as a thought hit him. “Do I have to fuck him? Oh god, Spike tell me I do not have to have sex with Angel too. That would just be too much.”
“Xander love, he doesn’t hate you.” Spike sat on the edge of the couch and watched Xander pacing again. “And no, you don’t. He can claim you without sex. You won’t be mated to him, won’t be his consort, just claimed by the head of the Aurelians. He’ll have to bite you, you’ll have to bite him, just the once though. It will be enough for him to take over your claim. Then if you didn’t want to, you would never have to see him again.”
“Why would you keep this from me? Why wouldn’t you have let me have some say in this?” Xander swerved from his pacing and made to sit on the couch but veered away again and resumed his circuit of the room when Spike reached for him.
“You do have a say love. If anything happens to me you have a few days, maybe a week to get to Angel before its too late. You can make your choice then. That’s when you have your say. But right now, what kind of master would I be if I didn’t make arrangements for the safety of my consort? There’s many things I can and will give up for us, but doing what I think is best for you is not one of them.”
“If I do this then I’ll be tied to Angel’s life instead of yours right?” Xander stopped across the room and faced Spike.
“Yes love.”
“So if Angel dies I get passed on to someone else or die?”
Spike sighed. “Xander none of this is something you have to do. It’s all just an option for you if that’s what you want at the time.”
“I know. I understand that. But what about you Spike? If I die what happens to you? Nothing?”
Spike jumped out of his seat but quickly sat back down again as Xander stepped further away. “Not nothing love. How can you say nothing? My existence isn’t linked to you like yours is to me, but it would break me I’m sure.”
“What would you do if you had these choices?” Xander studied Spike’s face carefully as he thought about that.
“Seriously? I don’t bloody know. I’ve had a long life, I’m not ready for it to end, but if my future had to be without you, I just don’t know that I would want it. Like we said love, when the time comes, who can say?”
Xander saw and heard the honesty in Spike’s reply; he relented, sitting heavily on the couch. He leaned back against the cushions and rubbed his hands over his face. “When the time comes it will be my decision alone okay?”
“Of course it will, I won’t be there to say otherwise and Angel will respect your decision.”
He let Spike reach out and run cool fingers through his hair. Xander closed his eyes and sighed, enjoying the feeling. “And you don’t get to keep this stuff from me. All these other people knew but I didn’t. You can’t do that to me Spike.”
“You understand why I did? I just wanted to give you something more than a glimpse of your death. If the bloody watcher hadn’t said anything it would have been okay until after I phoned Angel tonight.”
“Yeah I get it.” Xander’s eyes flicked to the tiny smear of blood next to Spike’s mouth. He leaned over and pressed his lips softly to the already-healed lip. “Sorry,” he whispered. “That was inexcusable.”
“It’s forgotten love. I likely would have done worse if I were in your shoes.”
Xander sat back again and let out a groan. “I never finished those journals. If I had, I probably would have known about it. I just got side tracked by everything else that’s happened. Three weeks of my life that has been just the most intense, insane experience I could ever conceive of and there is no sign that its going to slow down. It’s like a maze and around every corner is something I just couldn’t imagine.”
“’I’m with you every step of the way, love.”
“Be beside me Spike. Don’t be the surprise I can’t see coming.”
“Doing my best mate, but I’m just me and I’m far from perfect.”
“You and me both Bleachie.”
Xander took Spike’s hand, twisting their fingers together and they sat in silence for a time. “So Angel wasn’t happy either huh?”
Spike snorted. “A little less than, I’d say love.”
“But he said I’m family?”
“Yeah he did mate. I think the shock may have triggered a facial expression of some kind and his heart may have started beating for a minute, but after that he accepted you. He’s not a bad bloke love, I would never have asked him otherwise. He’ll make sure you’re okay.”
“If that’s what I decide,” Xander reminded him.
“Then, but before that as well love. You’re family, you come under the protection of the Master of Aurelius whether I’m dead or alive. Since your slayer did away with the Master and Darla is long gone, Angel is it. It’s a good name to be able to drop.”
Xander sighed. “I guess I’m gonna have to tell the girls aren’t I? And Giles.” He rolled his head against the cushions and faced Spike. “That’s not gonna go down well is it?”
Spike shook his head in answer then held his arms open. Xander looked at him with narrowed eyes. “I’m not done being pissed at you.”
“I know love. You’ve every right to be but I’ll not apologise for trying to make sure you’d be okay.”
Xander gave a resigned shrug, settled himself between Spike’s legs and lay back against his chest. He smiled as Spike kissed his head and whispered into his hair, his strong arms wrapped around Xander’s chest, “Love you Harris, just trying to look out for you yeah?”
“Yeah.” Xander took up Spike’s hand and kissed his palm. “Love you too, but I’m still pissed.”
Spike just held him tighter and Xander let him.
~*~*~*~*~
The next day, around mid afternoon, Xander was hunting and gathering in the fridge while Spike was still sleeping. He’d just put the finishing touches on a plate of potential coronary disease when the phone rang. Recognising the number of his office, he pounced and snatched it up before it woke Spike.
“Nathan?”
“Hey Xander, remember me?”
“Um, the guy who signs my pay check right?”
“Is that all I am to you?”
Xander laughed. “What can I do for you Nate?”
“Good news. The insurance company has okayed everything, most of the new equipment arrived yesterday, the power stopped shorting out early this week and we’re good to open up again.”
Xander was torn. He loved his job and missed the routine and the guys, but he’d gotten so used to spending his days and nights with Spike, he was feeling a touch of separation anxiety at the thought of returning to work for up to ten hours each day. “When are you going to open?”
“A few days yet. I’ll be in coordinating the deliveries of new equipment, accessioning everything and recalling the guys back from the other sites. I’ll probably get you to come back again on Wednesday. How’s that sound?” How did that sound? It was his job, he loved it. Xander knew he would enjoy being back. “Sounds good. Can’t wait to get into it again.” And he was not surprised when he realised how much he meant it.
Xander spread himself out on the couch with the phone and his food and spent a good half hour chatting with Nathan about how the site would run, rerouting his boss’s ponderings about the source of the electricity failures and generally talking shop. And while he wouldn’t give up his current life for any money, Xander knew how much he’d missed this.
While he was listening to Nate reading from a report from the insurers, Xander heard the bedroom door open and soon he found himself with a naked, half asleep vampire sprawled over and straddling him, his face buried in Xander’s neck. Xander smiled, wrapped his free arm around Spike and wondered if the stillness meant that Spike had gone back to sleep.
He finished off his call with Nathan and dropped the phone on the floor. Two hands now free, he put them both to good use and familiarised himself with the planes of Spike’s back. His theory about Spike being asleep was blown out of the water when Spike shifted, slipped his hands inside Xander’s waist band and slid his boxers down a few inches.
“You still mad at me love?” Spike asked, his lips tickling against Xander’s throat.
Xander knew there was only one answer for that. “No.” Last night Spike had finally let him back in and Xander caught the full force of Spike’s feelings on the matter. No way to hold a grudge against someone when you could feel how affected they were too. “It’s a new day, I left the mad behind before I went to sleep. I know how you felt about it, I understand your intentions. It’s all good. Not so sure I like my options, but that’s beside the point. But you know, in spite of all that- Or maybe because of all that, I’m not sure now really-.”
“Point love?”
“Oh, yeah. Point is, I am insanely in love with you and you have your hand on my dick, so I defy anyone to stay mad in those circumstances.”
“Good point.”
Xander gasped as he felt Spike’s hard length grind down onto him and the very tips of his fangs just breaking through the skin of his neck. As Spike ground against him, Xander felt the tiny pinpricks further up his throat when Spike broke skin in a new place. And again, and again Spike dotted Xander’s neck with miniscule holes, each just big enough for a single drop of blood to escape. A lick over each hole, then a new one was made less than an inch away. Every bite increased his desire and Xander was soon thrusting up against Spike and clamping onto his shoulder with his own blunt teeth. Xander came in a hard, grunting burst when Spike sank his fangs fully into the claiming scar over the vein on his neck, Spike followed not long after as he drew the pulsing blood from Xander.
Spike’s hand left Xander’s waist long enough prick his thumb on his fangs and press it into Xander’s mouth. Xander sucked greedily, savouring the tiny amount of his potent master’s blood and enjoying the warm rush it gave him, knowing Spike was feeling the same.
Xander sighed in contentment. “Who would have thought that a dry hump and sucking the blood from a dead guy’s thumb would be just what I needed.”
“You’re a fucking poet Harris, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” Spike snorted and held Xander’s hands above his head while he kissed him. Xander struggled to pull his hands free but Spike’s grip was locked.
“Love you Bleachie and I could kiss you for hours, but don’t get between me and my food. I’m starving.”
Spike sniffed and noticed the plate of food on the floor by the couch. “That’s not food mate, that’s a cardiologist's wet dream. You keep eating that shit and you’ll put all his sons through college.”
“So you go cook then.”
Spike laughed and peeled himself away from Xander, eyeing the sticky mess between them. “Unbloodylikely love. I’ll pay for Rose to feed you but buggered if I’ll be cooking for you. Not starting any habits that might last me a few lifetimes.”
“And you call yourself a good master.”
“Hey, none of that, consort!” Spike leaned down to Xander’s neck and sucked hard on the fresh puncture marks in his scar, smirking as Xander came again instantly. “I’m a bloody great master.”
“Not fair,” Xander panted.
“Evil, don’t forget love.”
Spike climbed off and wandered away; a minute or two later Xander felt a warm wet cloth land unceremoniously on his stomach. He cleaned himself up, threw the cloth at Spike’s back which he could just see disappearing towards the bedroom and felt around the floor for the remote control. He had a busy afternoon schedule planned.
Seeing as they would probably have to go and speak to Giles and the girls tonight, Xander had decided an afternoon on his ass what just what the doctor would not have ordered and therefore would be near perfect. Television, food, TV, something to eat, maybe watch a movie, have a snack, rest a little while a sitcom was on. All carefully choreographed. Except for one thing.
“Goddamn it Spike, what the hell have you done with the remote this time?”
56
Resigned to the fact that he would neither have control of the remote, nor enjoy the lazy afternoon he’d planned, Xander lay on one couch, rolling his eyes at Spike, who was sprawled out across the other. “Spike if we have them here we can make it as short as we like,” he said, for what felt like the tenth time.
Spike spoke slowly and distinctly, as though to an especially slow child. “If we have them here then they won’t be at the shop, they’ll actually be inside the bloody apartment won’t they?”
Xander ignored the tone. “And?”
“Well then I have to be nice don’t I? Be a gracious host and all. Not threaten to garrotte or disembowel anyone. It’s like a soddin’ nightmare.”
Xander couldn’t help the short, sharp laugh that burst from him. “Bleachie I don’t think anyone would ever mistake you to for a gracious host. Or expect you to be nice.”
Spike sneered at him. “Oh, now that’s bloody lovely isn’t it? And why do you immediately assume I wouldn’t be nice or gracious. ”
Xander clutched a cushion over his face and slowly counted to ten. “Okay, for a start you’re lamenting the fact that you can’t intimidate my friends with threats of various gruesome and bloody murders.”
“Love, I am an evil vampire. I’m not going to make them cookies am I?”
Xander’s eyes widened. “Now you mention it-.”
“Oh sod off you git. If I’m not cooking meals for you, I’m not bloody baking for those twats.”
“That’s a no?”
“Big fucking no in point of fact.”
“So let me get this straight. You want to kill my friends in numerous ways. You want them to stay at the shop so you don’t have to have them here. They are all twats that you don’t want to feed. Yet you are annoyed that people don’t find you nice or gracious.” Xander’s voice was still a little muffled by the cushion over his head. “That about it?”
After a pause, Spike’s irritated voice came. “Yeah.”
Xander snorted. “And you call me an idiot.”
“Fuck off Harris.”
“Spike c’mere.” Xander waved his arm vaguely.
“Fuck off not simple enough for you?”
Xander waved again. “C’mere you grouch.”
“I’m comfortable here,” Spike said. “Why should I get up and go all the way over there?”
“Cause I want you to bite me.”
“Well why didn’t you bloody say so?” Spike was off his couch in an instant.
Xander smiled and held out his arm, offering the vein. Spike lowered himself to the floor, leaning back against the couch and pulled Xander’s arm around him. His teeth slid in easily and Xander gasped at the sudden pain as the sharp fangs broke through. It stung for a moment, but then the slow burning heat began to spread through him. He watched with fascination as Spike drew on the puncture gently, just a few times, then licked the wound clean and pulled away, leaning his head back against Xander’s chest, with a satisfied sigh.
“Feel better now?” Xander asked, stroking his fingers over Spike’s throat.
“Felt fine before.”
Xander shook his head. “No, you were bitching and moaning so much, I was about to drag you off to the bathtub and drown you.”
“I don’t breathe love.”
Xander’s fingers unconsciously found their way to the scar on Spike’s neck. Not as large nor as clear as his own, but still as sensitive. He felt the rush of contentment from Spike as his fingers brushed back and forth over the claim. “I know, but the attempt would have been very satisfying for me.”
“Charming sentiment.” Spike laughed and climbed onto the couch, settling comfortably against Xander’s side. “You’ll call them then and have them over here instead?”
“Only if you’re okay with it.”
“It’s your apartment love.”
“No! No it isn’t. Its our apartment. And if you would rather they didn’t come then I won’t ask them.”
Spike lifted himself over Xander and kissed him slowly, one of those ‘who needs words when I can kiss you like this’ ones that made Xander wish he could breath through his ears so it wouldn’t end. “I love you mate. Invite your friends over.”
Several hours later, Xander had a calming hand on Spike’s back as Buffy and Willow, followed by a reluctant Giles filed in through the door.
“Where’s Anya?” Xander asked.
“Out with Simon,” Buffy said. “She said to tell you she knows, she doesn’t care and that offers from family members can be more important than pride and grudges. Do you know what she meant?”
Xander exchanged a look of surprise with Spike. When would they learn not to underestimate his ex? He shook his head no. “Well it’s Anya. Does anyone ever really know?”
“Seldom if ever,” Giles muttered.
Xander followed them all into the living room. “Geez, you all look like you’re coming here for a funeral or something,” he said. “Why the long faces?”
Willow just threw him a sad look as they all sat down on in the living room. “Xander, Giles told us what was happening yesterday.”
Xander pulled one of the dining chairs over and sat down. Spike stood directly behind him, possessive hands on his shoulders. “Well he’s done a pretty bad job of it if it left you all like this,” he said, looking at Giles with a frown. “What exactly did you tell them G-man?”
“Xander, don’t-.” Giles belatedly recognised the bait but refused to be drawn in. “I explained to the girls that you and Spike are more closely linked than they thought. That the death of Spike seals your fate as well.”
“And seeing as Spike intends on hanging around a few more years yet, there is no problem,” Xander said. “Right Bleachie?”
“That’s my plan love.”
“But Xander, any day he could go out and pick a fight with someone and get staked,” Willow said with fear in her voice.
“Red, I’ve picked hundreds, maybe thousands of fights and I’m still here a century on. You lot go out picking fights with demons on a regular basis don’t you? You’re all still here.”
“Guys look, I’m not having a long drawn out discussion over this. Yes, if Spike dies, I might die too. I’m okay with that because its not likely to happen for a long time yet and I used to plan on dying in sixty, maybe seventy years anyway. Well, now that I think about it, living on the Hellmouth it was probably a little optimistic wasn’t it?”
“Xander how you can so blithely discuss your death, I’ve no idea,” Giles said, a look of concern creasing his forehead.
“So what is it you expect me to do Giles? Yes, when Spike dies, I die. We are planning on having a long life together and if and when the time comes, we’ll deal with it then. Same as you and your own death.”
“It’s more the fact that he lives so dangerously that he could be staked any day,” Buffy said.
“True, but he’s just that little bit safer now isn’t he Buff?” Xander caught her eye and held her gaze. “He doesn’t have a slayer on his tail anymore does he? You stake him, you kill me too.”
Xander watched as Buffy mulled that over and heard Spike’s soft chuckle as the realisation showed on her face, accompanied by no small measure of disgust.
“I might feel the need to kick his arrogant, undead ass every now and then, but I won’t try to stake him and if you think I’m going to be his protector you can think again.”
“Giles,” Willow interrupted. “We can’t let Spike go out on patrols like we used to. We can’t just go sending him after anything and everything anymore.”
“Oi! You are not letting me do anything. I work for you ungrateful people. I choose what I do.”
“Willow, Buffy, Spike is quite capable of deciding these things,” Giles said. “Surely you aren’t suggesting that he would continue to be reckless and endanger himself when Xander’s very life is so dependent on him? I think you give him too little credit and disrespect the bond between master and consort.”
While Spike stood stunned, Xander gave Giles a genuine smile. “Thankyou Giles.”
Giles nodded back, without a smile. “It in no way benefits us to pretend your relationship is not as serious as it is. We need to recognise the nature of the connection between you and whether or not we think it is incredibly ill-advised, we must respect the choice you have both made.”
“Well thanks anyway Giles,” Xander said, wondering if the comment was intended to be quite as backhanded as it had felt.
“But Xander what if something happens to Spike tomorrow or next week, you know? Have you accepted that? Cause I think I’m all with the not accepting of that. I’m not ready to lose you so soon.” Willow said, the beginnings of tears in her eyes.
Xander crossed the room and kneeled in front of Willow taking her hands. “Will, if that happens there is a plan too,” Xander said. “Not a plan I actually like in any way, shape or form, but it’s an option for me.”
Giles looked over at Spike. “You’ve made the arrangements you spoke of then?”
“I have.”
“But Xander is obviously unhappy with it,” Giles said.
Xander kept hold of Willow’s hands, but turned and spoke to Giles. “I accept that it’s how it has to be. It’s a choice for me that Spike wanted me to have. When the time comes I’ll make a decision, but for now its something I’d rather not dwell on too much cause honestly, can I just say, it just creeps me out a bit right now.”
“And this arrangement Spike? Are we to be told?” Giles asked.
Xander got up and sat next to Willow on the couch. He met Spike’s eyes and gave him a small nod.
“Alright Watcher,” Spike said, flicking his cautious gaze briefly to Buffy. “But you might want to keep an eye on your slayer there.”
Giles sighed. “Spike do stop being overly dramatic and explain yourself.”
Spike moved across the room and sat on the arm of the couch next to Xander, putting an arm around his shoulders and more distance between himself and the slayer. “If I get dusted, you need to make sure Xander gets to LA. Angel will look after him, take over my claim.”
Their reaction was not as extreme as Xander had expected. While Giles appeared to understand immediately, Willow’s small voice gave away her dawning realisations.
“Oh-. Ohhh -. But then Angel would-. And he’d have to-. And he could-. Oh boy.” She glanced sidelong at Xander and blushed. “Xander, you’d umm, you know, with Angel?”
Xander gave her hand a squeeze but kept his eyes on Buffy. She had listened to him, then to Willow’s faltering thoughts and had come to the same conclusion. Xander saw her shoulders slump and a sadness come over her. Before he could say anything to either of them, Spike jumped in.
“Angelus is my sire. He is fully entitled to take over my claim. If he does, then my boy here won’t die, he’ll belong to the poof, just like he belongs to me now. Angelus can save him. The three of us, we’re family after all. If it’s what he wants at the time, you people need to get him to LA within a few days and give him over to Angel.”
Xander saw how Buffy was reacting to this. “How about you let me Bleachie huh?” Xander said softly and laid a hand on Spike’s leg. Spike shrugged but waved a hand for Xander to take over. “Buff, Willow, its just an option okay? I don’t know if I want it but the choice is there.”
“So Xan, you’d be Angel’s um, you and Angel would be um, oh.” Willow gave up trying to put a name to it. “What exactly would you and Angel be?”
“Claimed Will.” Xander said softly. “He would have to claim me, like Spike did.” Xander saw Buffy flinch as though she’d been slapped. “Okay, not exactly like Spike, Angel and I would have to bite each other but I wouldn’t have to-, you know.”
Buffy still didn’t speak and Giles was looking at her apprehensively as she stared at Xander. “Ah, Spike, would that then entitle Angel to claim some sort of rights over Xander?”
“Yes it would and no he wouldn’t claim them. Harris here would belong to him but they wouldn’t be mated, not unless that’s what they wanted-.” Spike stopped and shook his head, Xander seeing that he battled to keep his eyes blue and his face smooth.
Xander let go of Willow’s hand and twisted towards Spike. “I don’t. Spike you know I so don’t want that.”
Spike’s eyes still flickered. “Yeah mate I know that, I know he wouldn’t either. It’s just the demon in me that’s none too happy about the possibility.”
Xander completely understood how the demon was feeling. It still made him sick to his stomach to think of being claimed by anyone else, multiply that by a hundred for the idea of mating with Angel as well. Xander tried to pull together and share his feelings of devotion to Spike and loyalty to the demon. Spike must have noticed as his eyes settled back on blue and he gave Xander a small smile of appreciation.
“You’re a consort to be proud of love,” he said and leaned over to kiss Xander softly.
“Yes well, perhaps you could save that for after we’ve left,” Giles said. “Spike, you have my word that if the situation ever arises, I will ensure Xander is taken to Angel if it is what you decide.”
“Thanks watcher.”
Xander smiled and nodded his thanks at Giles. Buffy was still silent and Xander knew how hard it would be for her to deal with the fact that he might end up with a closer relationship with Angel than she could ever have. “Buff you okay?” he asked.
She gave him a tiny smile. “As far as bombshells go, I think you slammed that one down pretty hard.”
“It’s almost nothing really,” Xander said. “It could be as simple as one bite each and then I don’t have to see him again.”
“Or he could decide to mate with you and claim full rights, like Spike said he could.”
“Oh come on now Slayer.” Spike scoffed. “You know the great ponce as well as we do, can you see him wanting to claim Harris? No offense love.”
Xander stifled a chuckle. “None taken.” In his round about way, Spike was trying to appease Buffy and Xander loved him for it. Natural enemies, slayer and vampire, but Spike recognised that Buffy would be feeling just as territorial as they both were. Xander also knew that in Spike’s mind, scoring points with the consort couldn’t hurt either.
“And just in case I’m wrong, you best stop trying to stake me and we’ll never have to find out right?” Spike smirked at her.
Buffy stared him down for a moment before she cracked a smile. “All about you again isn’t it Spike?”
“Too bloody right it is Slayer. You keep me safe and your mate here doesn’t have to do the deed with your ex. Plain and simple.”
“Spike even for a vampire you can be exceedingly coarse and tactless,” Giles sighed.
“Yeah, it’s why I’m special,” Spike agreed. “So special I have my very own slayer bodyguard. Right pet?”
“Spike never call me that. Ever,” Buffy told him with an impatient look. “And no. I am not your very own slayer. You deliberately annoy me and I will kick your ass any chance I get. I’m not taking responsibility for your safety, you’re a big boy and you can do that yourself. I promised I won’t stake you and that’s as good as it gets. I’m not putting everyone else in danger and going out of my way in a fight to protect you. Xander, no one wants you to die, but Spike has to take responsibility for that himself now.”
“Very efficient and well said Slayer. I would have been worried about you if you suddenly dropped everything and became my security guard. Nothing personal-, actually yeah its very personal, cause I don’t like you at all- but I really don’t want or need you defending me. I can look after my consort well enough thankyou very much.”
“Right so we have that straightened out then?” Xander said firmly. “Buffy hates Spike. Spike hates Buffy. Buffy won’t stake Spike and Spike won’t antagonise Buffy because she can’t stake Spike. Spike will not mention Angel again and Buffy knows that Angel is not, and never will be, interested in doing unspeakable deeds with me. Yes? Good. Agreed. We’re done?”
“But Xan if Buffy can’t stake Spike, what’s to stop Spike going out now and getting all grrr killing all the munchable people he can find?” Willow asked.
“I’m stopping me Red,” Spike said. “I’m not biting humans. Promise to the consort, no other details forthcoming.”
“And we’re to take your word Spike? Giles asked doubtfully.
“Yes Watcher, you are.”
“Might I enquire as to how you’re feeding then?”
“You might but it’s bloody unlikely I’m going to discuss that with you,” Spike snorted. “Not really your business is it now? Nor yours Slayer, before you go jumping in all slap happy.”
“Spike I think it might be our business if we have concerns about how you’re feeding now your chip is gone,” Buffy told him.
“Your concerns are your issue. I’ve told you I’m not biting humans and that’s all I’m prepared to tell you. Any other problems you have, bloody well deal with them yourself slayer.”
Xander sighed. “Buff I have to agree here. You need to take Spike’s word for it. And no, I’m not going to tell you any more than he is, like we’ve said before, some things are too private.”
Willow took hold of Xander’s arm and touched the healed over puncture marks. “Is this why?”
Xander snatched his arm back from her. “Like I said Will. Nobody’s business but ours.”
Buffy jumped out of her seat and was halfway across the room but Spike was also up and between her and Xander, letting out a low warning growl. “Xander, he’s feeding off you? Is that was those marks on your arm are?”
“What are you going to do slayer? Stake me? Kill your mate here?”
“Alright that will be quite enough,” Giles raised voice stopped them. “Buffy return to your seat.” Giles waited until everyone was calm again. “Buffy, Willow, we have said on numerous occasions that the relationship between Xander and Spike is something that we can’t hope to understand all the nuances of. You need to bear that in mind as you learn new aspects of their bond.”
“But Xan, biting for, ah, well, fun is one thing, which I kind of understand, but you’re food now?” Willow said. “I don’t get that.”
“Sorry Will, its just how it is,” Xander shrugged.
“Willow, Xander is obviously healthy and quite clearly he is happy. He is making decisions that we need to respect and we can’t be calling his every personal detail into question just because we might not understand it or agree with it. Goodness knows you’ve all made some spectacularly bad decisions but we overlook them do we not?”
“Oh fucking hell.” Spike stood and walked off to the kitchen, returning immediately with an unopened bag of blood and waved it in Buffy’s direction. “Bags. Fresh o-pos. Okay? End of conversation people.”
“There’s bags?” Willow said. “Oh, you meant it then. You aren’t biting the population.”
“Told you didn’t I?” Spike curled his lip and put the bag back. “Don’t bother believing the vampire though will you? Bloody humans.”
Xander stood and looked around at his friends. “So. Anything else you aren’t happy about or can we just move on now? Only I think I might like a night out. Maybe a bit of Bronze, maybe a beer, maybe a dance or two with my girls if they stop mothering me long enough. And I think I would really like a game of pool with my vampire. Anyone else in or should I go without you and leave you here discussing the finer points of my personal life?”
“Are you gonna do anything else creepy and weird Xan?” Willow asked.
“Well I might put ketchup on my buffalo wings but that’s about it. Think you can handle that zany madness?”
“I don’t know, that’s pretty out there,” Willow said, smiling as she got up.
“Yeah Xan you always did have strange tastes,” Buffy waved a hand in Spike’s direction. “Case in point.”
“Oi! Enough of that slayer.”
Xander recognised the gentle jibe from Buffy as the apology that it was. Enough with the dissections and explanations of his life, he was ready to get out and do some serious relaxing. Xander looked over at Spike. “What do you say Bleachie? Want to go shoot a bit of pool? I’ll buy you imported beer?”
“Am I going to be subjected to bloody stupid insults all night?”
Xander looked questioningly at Buffy and Willow. They both shook their heads. “Sure?” he asked. “Cause I think we’ve both had enough for one night.”
“Sure,” Willow said with conviction.
“Can’t guarantee anything,” Buffy said. “He is kind of a pain.”
“Close enough!” Xander said. “Let’s get out of here then. Coming Giles?”
“Oh, as much as it might pain me to have to turn you down, I will actually do so with great joy for not having to listen to the endless-.”
“A simple no would do it G-man.”
“No,” he said drily.
“Right then, lets go.” Xander grabbed Spike’s coat and thrust it into his hands. He kept his voice soft and low so that no one else would pick up on it. “Come on quick before they think of something else to complain about.”
Spike smirked as Giles and the girls headed down the stairs. “It’s their natural state love. You might want to get used to it.”
“Hey, no raining on my parade.” Xander pushed Spike out of the apartment, determined not to dwell on issues that had no bearing on his immediate life. A mindless night of loud music, bad dancing and a grope in a dark corner was calling to him.
57
Routine. Xander loved it, and it loved him. Especially the routine of work, which was everything he needed to help him deal with the bizarre life he’d found himself a part of. He'd gotten back into his routine with a night at the Bronze with his lover and his friends. A near-regular night out and much better than his previous few Saturdays. That was the way a Saturday night should go; no sitting around nursing a wounded vampire, breaking down over extreme life changing discoveries or impatiently waiting out comas. A beer, some crazy, flailing pseudo-dancing that made his beloved vampire roll his eyes and shake his head more than once and a few rounds of pool that made his blushing friends look the other way when they realised that, for Xander and Spike, it could also double as foreplay.
A great night out followed by an even better night, day and another night in and Spike had discovered the answer to his question at the cemetery. A day and a half. Xander’s consorty powers of rejuvenation would hold out for roughly a day and a half before Spike had fucked him enough to shut him up. Monday afternoon saw an arrangement whereby Spike went out to catch up on some work for the Zeeum and Xander stayed in putting the apartment back in order and tending to the more mundane aspects of his new life, cleaning, laundry and restocking the kitchen. This would mean that Monday night and Tuesday were free to spend together as Xander prepared to return to work on the Wednesday.
~*~*~*~*~
Monday evening Spike returned, bursting at the seams with energy and bulging at the pockets with cash, after a successful day of tracking down the Zeeum’s defaulters. Xander managed to pin him down long enough to present him with gift wrapped box that Spike was bemused to find held a brand new cell phone. His eyebrow got a good workout when Xander called from his own cell, triggering the personalised tone he’d set up just for his incoming calls. Wild thing… I think I love you… But I want to know for sure…Come on and hold me tight…I love you.
“Harris you sappy git, the other demons will kick my arse well good when they hear that.”
“Yeah, maybe, but you’ll just have fun kicking them right back won’t you?”
“True, love.” He dangled the phone between two fingers as though it may bite him. “And why do I need one of these things?”
“It’s for when I go back to work. In case I miss you too much and I can’t wait till I get home to talk to you and you’re out somewhere.”
“Sap,” Spike snorted, but was pleased.
~*~*~*~*~
Tuesday morning, another of Rose’s jars of lotion lay empty on the floor. It had been almost enough to silence Xander but not his stomach, and come Tuesday night, he still had breath enough to request a meal from the Lion.
“Too much effort to forage in the fridge Bleachie, dress me and take me to Rose. Stat.”
“Not my bloody job. Dress yourself you lazy bugger. Now if it was undress, then I’m your vamp.”
“I’m counting on it when we get back. If this is a good date I put out remember?”
Spike remembered and at the pub, plied him with chunks of roast meat and a slab of chocolate cake. Xander put out. It was a given.
~*~*~*~*~
Wednesday morning Xander struggled to get out of bed. While he was very much looking forward to returning to work, he was really not looking forward to spending his day without Spike.
“Stop that, I really need to-. Oh, do that again.” Xander linked his arms behind Spike’s shoulders and arched his throat, presenting the long stretch of skin to Spike.
Spike pinched a fold of skin between his teeth, sucking it into his mouth and flicking his tongue over it. “That?”
“Yeah, that’s the-. No! Damn you and your evil lips. Let me up.” Xander tried to pull his legs free and climb out but Spike held him fast.
“Are you sure mate?”
“I’ve spent three weeks away from work and nearly every minute of it with you, so no, I am so far from sure I can’t even see sure with a pair of binoculars and my consorty powers of super sight. That’s why you have to let me go now. If I stop and think about it too much longer, I’ll never get to work.”
“And we don’t want that to happen because?” Spike asked, returning to that spot on Xander’s neck that usually made him squeak.
“Work means money. Money means- oh stop that- money means the evil, yet incredibly sexy vampire has a warm bed, hot running water and many, many channels including the one with the weird British stuff.”
Spike sighed and rolled off him. When Xander climbed out of the bed, Spike immediately rolled back into the warm spot and buried his head in the pillow, pulling the covers over his head.
Xander wrinkled his nose, the air in the bedroom was stale and smelled of sweat and sex. On the way to the bathroom, he opened the window a crack reminding himself to close it again before he left and the sun came around to this side of the building. Last thing he wanted was to come home to a pile of ash in his bed.
As Xander stood under the spray wondering if he had time to get back into bed for just a minute, a cool breeze swirled around his legs as the shower door slid open. Spike stepped in and took Xander in his arms, kissing him without a word. Xander was glad he’d set the alarm early just in case and thanked his powers of prediction- nothing to do with being a consort, just having spent nearly four weeks with Spike he knew what to expect, from both of them. He was doubly glad when Spike dropped to his knees and took Xander’s hard length in his mouth, giving him a farewell that he would be happily reflecting on for most of the day.
~*~*~*~*~
It didn’t take long to establish a routine that suited both of them; as much as any kind of routine could suit a vampire. Xander went to work and called Spike during his lunch break, catching him either sleeping, watching soaps or shaking the cash out of the more unprincipled demons and the odd human. With his regular cash from the Zeeum and payments from Giles for services rendered, Spike was able pay the rent some weeks, Xander having relented and accepted Spike’s contributions so long as it wasn’t stolen money he found after killing something. Spike didn’t point out that he pooled all his money so there was no way to tell where the notes actually originated. He was pretty sure Xander knew how it worked anyway, but just wanted to make a point. Humans.
After work they would meet at the Bear and Lion where Rose would feed Xander and sometimes Spike. Once or twice a week Spike would drop in via the tunnels to help Tom out shifting crates, or would pull his ‘door-bitch’ act and clear the pub of overintoxicated troublemakers. Not exactly a job, but in return Tom and Rose were happy to keep Xander well fed, ‘seeing as that lazy William won’t lift a finger to ensure his consort is healthy.’
Patrols with Giles and the girls usually filled several nights and Xander was pleased to be back into that again, without the issues of the recent past. Sure Buffy and Spike were at each other just as much, if not more than usual, now that there was the added bonus of Spike knowing that Buffy couldn’t stake him and Buffy pointing out that a stake didn’t necessarily have to go through the heart. But the edge began to dull on that after a few outings and their insults were mainly confined to criticism of the other’s fighting technique and general appearance. Xander would ignore it until it almost came to blows, then either he or Willow would step in and separate slayer and vampire ensuring they all lived to irritate each other another day.
The girls seemed to have taken on board the fact that both Xander and Spike were less than pleased with their constant questioning of the relationship, and despite a few sly peeks at Xander’s neck and arms and less than sly peeks in Xander’s fridge for blood bags, they left well enough alone. There was the odd occasion where Xander and Spike arrived at the Magic Box and had to help rework a plan that involved putting Spike on the line as though he were expendable. Those times were met with awkward apologies for both Xander and Spike and a compromise that ensured all their safety. Xander could see everyone making an effort to include Spike in normal conversation and had to applaud their continuing attempts even in the face of Spike’s sometimes passive aggressive responses. You could take the chip out of the vampire but not the snark apparently. Not that he would, that spark of the mean streak that Spike sometimes tried to rein in and the possessiveness that he did not, was a part of his vampire’s character that Xander loved just as much as he did the tender, clingy and affectionate parts that only he saw at home.
~*~*~*~*~
When they weren’t patrolling, Spike and Xander were often in the nearby park practising with various weapons and trying to force some finesse into Xander to go along with his consorty powers of nimbleness, or ‘just plain fucking speed and strength’ as Spike called it. Xander learned quickly, but in the heat of a real fight, often forgot the finer points of the techniques and earned himself a good talking to on the way home. Not that he minded. Spike was often so worked up after watching Xander fighting that they barely made it up the stairs with clothes intact. Spike had met most of the neighbours while on the stairs; most of the neighbours steered clear of him. He was content with that.
~*~*~*~*~
After a few days back at work, Xander had done a deal with Nathan so that he was able to spend one or two days of his week out on the site in a more hands on role with the other guys. He relished getting out in the sun, working with the tools and raw materials and on those days he knew they wouldn’t go to the Lion for dinner and Spike would be at the door of their apartment waiting to pounce on a dirty, sweaty, very happy Xander. Vampires were all about the senses, Spike had explained. Xander looked a treat, shining with sweat and streaked with sawdust. He smelled like a man- musky and sour but woodsy- and he tasted like all kinds of heaven. Xander loved how Spike stuck to his own version of routine and had him stripped naked within seconds and flat on his back moaning on either the table, floor, couch or bed. It was then off to the bathtub where Spike spent a relaxing hour washing away the day to uncover the clean, tanned flesh beneath. Xander’s need for junk food was sated with a phone call for a delivery and the remainder of the evening was spent in front of the television, squashed together on one couch arguing over what to watch. It rarely mattered what channel they chose as it was usually just background noise to their own pants and grunts anyway.
~*~*~*~*~
Blessed routine. In a manner of speaking. Still they were thrown for a loop every now and then, when a demon on patrol got in a lucky hit and one or the other took a hard blow. If it was Xander, then no one could get close without getting themselves a snarl and flash of golden eyes from Spike. If on the other hand, Spike had gone down, then nobody wanted to get close enough to see what happened, as Xander rushed to his side, pressing his forearm to Spike’s mouth, having discovered to their mutual surprise, that consort’s blood worked to heal Spike faster than any number of bags could. It took a while for the others to realise that when Xander was hurt, he too was taking Spike’s blood to speed up the recovery. It had gone unnoticed until Anya decided to brave the fangs and push her way to Xander’s side as he lay on the ground nursing an addled brain. Spike made it clear to all present that it was not open for discussion and that was that.
It did however lead to a discussion, much to Xander’s dismay and Spike’s resentment. Buffy brought up the possibility that Spike might accidentally turn Xander by doing that. Spike thought he had been very tactful and patient in explaining why the slayer should pull her head out of her sagging arse and crack open a book every now and then. He found that apparently he hadn’t been at all tactful when Xander cuffed him and Giles again explained the rather obvious need for Xander to be drained before taking Spike’s blood.
All well and good that it wouldn’t happen accidentally, Buffy had opined, but what about if chipfree Spike decides to turn him on purpose? Xander, while upset with Buffy for raising the issue had belatedly realised that in the now eight weeks they’d been together, it was something that had never come up between them. He waited while Spike’s eyes returned to blue and the vampire calmed himself before speaking to the group.
“You bloody people never cease to amaze me you know? The number of things that you think are your business and you have no qualms in raising.” Spike shook his head. “I notice you don’t do it with each other, just me and my boy here. Strange that.”
Most of them had the grace to look embarrassed as they realised the truth in his words. Except Simon the Stockbroker. Simon was now a regular fixture at Scooby meetings and some patrols; he fit in comfortably with the group, calmly accepting the generally unacceptable and never questioned any of it.
Spike shook his head at them and continued. “But as you’re doing it because you’re worried about Harris, I’ll let this one go. I’m not turning him. Never turning him. No doubt he’d make a bloody exceptional vampire, but it just wouldn’t be him, it would be some demon and I don’t want to spend my days without the original, pain in the arse consort that I fell in love with and have right now.”
As completely true as it was, Spike had mentally calculated how many points it had scored him with the consort and he was more than satisfied to be dragged home and shagged senseless, finding his count had been way too low.
One night that week over a rare dinner at home, Xander pointed out that they’d been together two months. After much eye rolling and protesting at how he was too old to be celebrating tiny anniversaries like a love sick school girl, he’d bitten the bullet and spent some of his earnings on a silver identity bracelet for Xander. The chunky chain was broken by a silver plate with the letters ‘S’ and ‘X’ woven together and engraved in the centre. Again, Spike had sorely underestimated the points that little move had scored.
Things had gone smoothly in that two months, aside from the odd injuries, the increasingly rare arguments over something trivial and the occasional ‘butt out of it’ almost-fight with the girls. Xander felt like he was balancing both sides of his life with ease. He loved the work and time with the guys on the site; he lived for the hours at home and on patrol with his vampire. He absolutely did not think for too long about how well things were going. This being the Hellmouth that was just an invitation to disaster.
~*~*~*~*~
A couple of times over the last few weeks he’d seen the guy with the long coat and baseball cap who he’d first noticed at the Bear and Lion. A nobody, Tom had said. The next time was when a few of the guys had gone out for quick drink at nearest bar after work to celebrate a fiftieth birthday. Xander had been enjoying a beer and a laugh and had almost missed the man leaving through the front doors. It took a moment to register and for the feeling of familiarity to sink in again, but by then the man was long gone and Xander put it out of his mind. The third time, he was on his way home from a Scooby meeting, with Spike driving, and Xander saw him walking into a bar. There was nowhere to stop and Spike wasn’t about to let him jump out, so Xander let it go. Could be anyone, so many guys had come and gone from the site over the time he’d been working there, it was probably just a old co-worker.
~*~*~*~*~
Two days day after Spike had given Xander the bracelet was outdoors day. The day when Xander came home stinky, dirty and tired and Spike loved it. This week it had been a Friday, a few guys were off with the flu and Xander was more than happy to help fill in. This was a new site, the last contract had finished and now the company had moved on and there was plenty of woodworking to be done in getting together the foundations of the new building.
Xander had been anticipating his welcome and was already hard when he threw open the front door, fully expecting the assault as soon as he stepped inside. He wasn’t disappointed. Several times in fact; once on the floor just inside the door, and again he wasn’t disappointed when he tried to make a break for the bathroom and only made it as far as the dining chairs.
Now, propped up against Spike on the couch, warm and clean from a long hot bath, full of greasy but delicious pizza, Xander was looking forward to a quiet night of relaxing. Quiet nights usually didn’t begin with the words that made his stomach lurch like these ones did though.
“Angelus phoned today.” Spike said casually.
“Angelus or Angel?” Xander clarified.
Spike sighed. “The poof, not the psycho.”
“What did Grandpappy want?”
“Just checking in. Wanted to know how the new branch of the family tree was holding up.”
“Hmm.”
“Not especially interested love?” Spike asked.
“Not a great deal. Sorry.” Xander ran his fingers through Spike hair. “I’m kinda trying to keep him out of my head.”
“That’s okay. I don’t much like him in mine either.” Spike adjusted himself so he could see Xander’s face. “It got me thinking though love.”
“Yeah? You okay or do you need some blood? An aspirin? Wanna lie down for a bit to get over it?”
“Smart arse.” Spike kissed him and got distracted for a good long while.
Xander eventually pulled away and smiled as Spike immediately went for his neck. “So, Bleachie, you were thinking?”
Spike licked and sucked at Xander’s skin and took a moment to register his words. “Oh right, yeah. Bloody hell you taste good.”
“Thoughts Spike?” Xander prompted again.
Spike sighed and propped himself up on Xander’s chest. “Thoughts love. Family thoughts. Mine, yours. Mainly yours.”
Xander’s eyes narrowed. “What have they done now? Did Buffy say something stupid again?”
“No love, not that family. I mean your folks. You’ve not spoken to them about anything to do with us. I wondered if you’ve ever thought you might want to give them a call and tell them how things are.”
Xander took a moment to answer. This was so out of the blue and completely unexpected, he wasn’t sure exactly how to feel about it. “Spike I have spoken to my mom. I call her every now and then from work.”
“So she knows about us? She have any idea about your life now?”
“Well, no. Not exactly. Or at all. What am I meant to say? Hey Mom, I’m gay, in love with a vampire, oh and by the way, I’m immortal?”
“Not in so many words love, but you don’t want to fill her in a bit? She’s your mum after all.”
Xander snorted. “When she remembers. We aren’t exactly the most functional family.”
“Like I said love. It was just a thought. Your choice isn’t it?”
Xander stared at him for a long while. Nope, no agenda there, just a stray thought that Spike was chasing. “Yeah it is. I’ll think about it okay?”
“Do that love.”
Xander slid down on the couch and turned so he and Spike were pressed together, chest to thigh. “Meantime Bleachie, it’s Friday night. There’s no patrol, no work tomorrow, I’m chock full of pizza energy and I was hoping you were planning on keeping me up all night.”
“Were you now love?”
Xander’s hands slid down inside Spike’s borrowed sweat pants and in no time at all, convinced that him that yes, that had been the plan all along.
Thoughts of grand announcements to almost-estranged family members went clear out of their minds.
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