Family Bonds
by
Kimalis
Part Forty-Nine
Xander froze as all eyes turned to him. Spike unobtrusively got up from the stairs and came to stand by his side, one hand resting possessively on his back.
“Xander?” It seemed as though Willow couldn’t take her eyes off the mark on Xander’s neck. “I’ve been around the Hellmouth long enough to know what that is. But I have no idea why it’s on you. You haven’t been turned, cause you’re still warm, so, um, how? When? Why? Xander help me out here.”
“Yeah Spike, you want to explain how this promise of yours works if Xander isn’t safe?” Buffy asked, her hands on her hips.
“Oh bloody hell Slayer. He is safe. Look at him.”
“I’m looking Spike and I’m seeing my friend with a vampire bite on his neck. That’s your way of looking after him? By feeding off him?”
“Buffy its okay-.”
“Xander it is not okay. He bit you!” She spoke slowly and loudly.
“Xander you said you were safe, that he wouldn’t hurt you,” Willow insisted.
“Guys I’m not hurt, I’m-.”
Buffy rounded on her watcher. “Giles you made me put that stake away and now look where we are.”
“Buffy there is no need for weapons, it isn’t what you think,” Giles told her.
“It’s not a vampire bite?”
Tired of being talked around and over, Xander stepped in. “Alright that’s enough,” he shouted. “Everybody sit down. And there will be no weapons.”
“Xander no-.”
“Yes, Buffy. This gets finished tonight. I am so tired of the whole damn thing and having to explain myself to you every time we get together. Now please sit down.”
“Buffy, Willow just take a seat and let Xander and Spike explain this,” Giles said in a tired voice. “You’ll find it really is quite straightforward if you give them a chance.”
Buffy caught Giles’ impatient expression and reluctantly sat, Willow and Tara dropped onto the bench next to her. Giles joined them, surreptitiously glancing at Buffy’s pockets as he sat. Xander took a seat opposite them and Spike stood directly behind him, a hand on his shoulder.
The thought briefly crossed Xander’s mind that Spike would be less intimidating if he were to sit, but before he could form the words, Spike sighed.
“Fine, love.” He sat next to Xander. “Better?”
Xander smiled happily at him. It always gave him a warm feeling when things like that happened; random stray thoughts or shared feelings. Even before Spike had claimed him, for Xander it emphasised the depth and scope of their relationship. The rush of affection that spread though him must have overflowed to Spike, judging by the surprised smile that Xander received back. At the other side of the table, the girls appeared confused by Spike’s one-sided conversation, whereas Giles seemed to be merely curious.
“Much, thankyou.” Xander slipped his hand into Spike’s lap and linked their fingers together.
“Xander why do I get the feeling there’s so much more that we don’t know?” Willow asked.
“Because there’s so much more that you don’t know,” he agreed.
“Xander you’ve been bitten, we’re worried about you,” Buffy said. “Well, Willow and I are; Giles here seems to be surprisingly worry-free.”
“Buffy I assure you, I am not worry-free. I do however understand what is happening and I encourage you to keep an open mind and allow Xander to have his say.”
Xander smiled his thanks to Giles and waited until he had the girls’ full attention. “I’m just going to explain how it is. I know things are hard for you to take in, I really get that. But this is not open for debate. This is me telling you how it is. Are we straight with that?” When they nodded, he continued. “I am Spike’s consort. Not just part claimed like it’s been because of that spell, but fully claimed. It’s what I wanted, what we both wanted so you need to respect that. The spell started the process and you know I was picking up Spike’s strengths because of it, but now that’s complete; the claiming finished it. It’s done and that’s about it. I am a full consort.”
“And we get to the part about how it’s okay for Spike to bite you when exactly?”
Xander shook his head. “Buffy I’m trying really hard not to resort to grade school insults here but how long since you looked at your own neck. If I’m not mistaken that scar hasn’t completely faded yet has it?”
Xander saw Buffy’s hand immediately go to her neck and her attitude was defensive. “That was different Xander, Angel would have died.”
“So you’ve got a reason and you obviously think it was justified. But the only difference is in the reasons, Buffy. You still allowed and actually even forced the bite didn’t you? So how can you sit there and judge me for something Spike and I both wanted?”
“I’m not-, I didn’t mean-. I just don’t understand why you did it.”
“Buffy I think you will find that is how the master and consort status is achieved. The bite was a necessary part of the process.” Giles looked to Spike for confirmation.
“That it was Rupert.” Spike told him distractedly, his eyes glued to Xander.
Xander shifted in his seat when he felt the rush of lust between them as they both remembered the moment. His fingers clenched with Spike’s and he had to force himself to give his attention back to the girls. “Um, so like I said, Buffy, it was something we both needed. It just couldn’t happen while Spike was chipped.”
“And what about the chip? How did you get that removed?” Buffy demanded.
Xander looked at Spike before answering. It was really up to Spike to choose how much of that story they told.
“Didn’t get it removed exactly, it was the bloody Fewoi last week. When I killed it, the charge shorted out the chip.”
“And you didn’t think to mention it before last night?” Buffy asked Xander incredulously. “He’s been unleashed for nearly a week and you thought it was okay not to tell us?”
“Fuck, Slayer, I am right here, speaking to you and still you talk past me. And who the hell said you had to be told every bloody thing anyway, you fucking arrogant bi-.”
Xander grabbed at Spike’s arm as he made to stand and pulled him back down. Directing his comments to Buffy, he made no effort to disguise the anger in his voice. “Okay, first? Unleashed is kind of offensive Buffy, so is the way you're talking about Spike like he isn’t even here. And we didn’t say anything to you about the chip because we didn’t know until last night. And to be honest now I know how you’re reacting, I doubt I would have told you if we did know.”
“How should we react Xander? This is so out of the ordinary for us; I don’t know how we’re supposed to deal with it.”
“Buffy, I don’t need to be dealt with. All I need is for you to understand that what I choose to do with my life is not something that you get to make decisions on. There are some things that I’m just not prepared to talk about and I am so tired of you treating me like I’ve done something wrong by not telling you every tiny detail.”
“How about any detail Xander? Anything at all?” Willow asked. “You’ve been keeping so much from us.”
“We’ve kept some things to ourselves, yes. But look at the result when you guys have found out anything. Spike is attacked and I’m reprimanded and ignored. And you wonder why I don’t want to share? Besides, some things happening here, happening to me, are just too personal to make announcements about. ”
Willow frowned. “Xander if you only found out about the chip last night, and that scar looks like it’s much older, is that one of the things that’s happening to you? You’re healing as fast as Spike does?”
“Consort here, Will. Its just one of the perks, same as when I got that concussion, except now it’s complete it’s a bit faster.”
“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “I knew that, but I guess I didn’t really want to believe it, but here you are with the consorty evidence and now I have to, don’t I? Believe it I mean.”
“Sorry Will, you really do. I had all the consorty evidence before you know. It was just building up. Now its done building and I am Xander Harris, official Consort of William the Bloody, Master vampire.”
Xander turned a bright smile on Spike, shared his surge of love and thought how proud he was to be able to say that.
“Same here love,” Spike said quietly and squeezed his hand, responding to Xander’s thoughts.
“Same what?” Buffy looked from one to the other with some confusion. “Same what Spike? Did the chip fry a few brain cells too? Cause you’ve been a bit less sane in the solo conversation department tonight.”
“Completely sane Slayer and like he said, there are some things that are just none of your business. This being one of them.”
“This what?” Willow asked.
Xander sighed, resigned to having to share some information, but, like Spike, reluctant to divulge too much. “There is a consort and master connection that is fully active now. It just makes us more sensitive to each other and that’s all I have to say about it. It’s kind of private.”
Buffy’s hand again stroked at her neck and Xander could see the sadness and confusion. He nudged Spike.
“Slayer, that bite the poof gave you, it wasn’t the same. There needs to be different circumstances. It was special for him, but still, it technically was only a bite. ”
She nodded but didn’t meet his eyes. “It’s just a scar, it was nothing.”
Xander smiled at her. “No Buff, it wasn’t nothing. It was huge, you understand exactly what it was like and that was just a bite.” He pulled aside his shirt and indicated the scar. Spike did the same, displaying the claim scar on his own neck. “These are so much more than the bite. Do you understand now what this means to us?”
Tears welled in Buffy’s eyes as she again nodded, staring at the marks they both wore with pride. “I get it. I do. I’m sorry Xander.”
“Xander, you bit Spike?” Willow asked with a hint of embarrassment as she tried not to look at the marks on their necks.
Xander flushed and nodded. “Yeah Will, I did and I so do not want to discuss this part of it anymore.”
Giles cleared his throat and looked like he would rather be anywhere else. “Ah, yes, Xander I do believe you have sufficiently explained the situation. There is no need for further detail,” Giles stood and quickly moved away from the table. “I imagine that some kind of congratulations is in order then?” He awkwardly put his hand out to shake Spike’s and after a moment’s hesitation Spike stood and shook, silently acknowledging the acceptance.
Xander got up from the table and took Giles’ extended hand in both of his. “Thankyou,” he said with a genuinely warm smile. “Please don’t be worried about me.”
“I rather think it’s unavoidable.” Giles smiled back at him. “Now, I will leave you to do whatever it is you people do that means I no longer have to intervene in your dramatic encounters.” Giles turned to his slayer. “Buffy I trust that you will no longer need to be disarmed or restrained?” She shook her head, having the good grace to look mildly embarrassed and Giles wandered off busying himself behind the counter, obviously relieved to be dealing with something less emotional.
Xander gave a soft laugh as he realised he’d been watching Giles jealously, wishing he too had some routine that needed attention. No such luck though as the girls still stared at him, their eyes flicking from his neck to Spike’s. He could sense a multitude of questions just below the surface of the awkward silence.
“Right. Don’t think I can stand much more of this.” Spike grabbed Xander by the arm. “Consort, a word thanks.”
Xander let himself be dragged away as Spike headed for the front door. “Spike what is it? Where are we going?”
“We aren’t going anywhere. I am going to kill something, or hopefully many somethings” Spike pulled him close. “Your friends are coming around love. They’re going to want to chat and make up and do those bloody nauseating things they do when they’re trying to make up with you. You are oozing all kinds of feelings about them and I am either going to vomit or dismember someone.”
Xander laughed. “You won’t be out long?” he asked, his hands sliding beneath Spike’s duster and down over his ass, squeezing hard. “Like you said, it’s still kind of a honeymoon and I had some plans.”
Spike’s face slipped and his subsonic growl vibrated through Xander. “Quick trip love. Be back before you know it.”
“Better be.” Xander aimed carefully so as not to slice his lips on the fangs and kissed his demon. It was just the lightest of touches, but enough that they were both wanting more, conscious though of the audience. “Love you, Bleachie.”
“You too mate. Get those silly bints sorted out yeah?” With a quick kiss to Xander’s cheek he was gone, a cigarette already halfway to his mouth as the door swung closed behind him.
Even with Spike out of the store, Xander was still able to feel him. There was the love and happiness that he’d shared just seconds ago, but there was also the relief and a sense of freedom and strength that was new. Xander felt a twinge of worry as he also caught a burst of bloodlust but was met with a reassuring vibe and smiled to himself as he realised the extent of this new form of communication with Spike. The awareness gradually faded as Spike drew further away and Xander was able to concentrate again on the girls.
Bypassing the table, he found a few bottles of soda in the fridge, next to a pile of unused blood bags. He pulled them out and checked the dates, finding that they must have been accumulating for a while as Giles continued to stock the pig’s blood, unknowing of the alternate arrangements Xander and Spike had made for the home deliveries. Xander shuddered at the thought of Spike drinking pig’s blood again and quickly dropped all the bags in the trash, reminding himself to speak to Giles about it later. He collected the sodas and joined the girls at the table. .
“So, Tara, you’ve been conspicuously quiet. No thoughts about this?” Xander asked her.
“Oh.Um, no. None. I’ve seen your auras Xander, I know how genuine this is. And the chip and bites and all, I just don’t think it’s any of my business and if you want me to know about it then you’ll tell me when you’re ready. This was something the three of you needed to get straight and I didn’t want to step in while you did that.”
Willow looked upset. “Oh, you think I’ve been butting in to Xan’s business?”
“Well you sort of have Will. But you’ve been friends for so long it was understandable. These things happening to Xander are so unusual you’re bound to be worried about it, but I think it’s important for you to take him at his word.”
“We haven’t though, have we Xan?” Willow asked him.
“Not so much with the benefit of the doubt Will, no.”
“But Xander you can understand why can’t you?” Buffy said. “I mean a month ago, you were engaged to Anya, Spike was just an annoying vampire hanging around that you liked to insult and argue with. Now there’s no engagement, Anya’s off with Simon the Stockbroker and you’re in love with Spike –and my god I never thought those words would pass my lips.”
“I never expected you to be okay with everything in an instant, but what I did expect was that if I told you how I felt you’d believe me and support me. It just didn’t happen and you made me feel like I counted for nothing. You both assumed that there was something wrong with me that you could fix.”
“We’re bad friends. Bad, bad friends,” Willow said. “I’m sorry Xan. You do count. I do believe you. I’m still a little wigged by the fact that it’s Spike and there’s biting and you’re not just our little Xander anymore.”
Buffy nodded. “Right there with you Will. Xander you’re not the same person you were a few weeks ago, that takes some time for us to get used to.”
“Still the same here Buff, just got some enhancements and a big bleached accessory,” Xander smiled.
“Okay so again with the wrong words,” she said. “Your life is not the same then.”
“That’s a given,” he snorted. “There is so much I’ve had to get used to, so many new things happening to me. I really wanted to share that with you, well not all of it, but you know it’s been exciting and you guys are my best friends, it would have been nice to have been able to tell you about it.”
“You seemed a bit standoffish though Xan. Some days we couldn’t even get near you.” Willow smiled sadly.
“Yeah I know Will, I’m sorry. While I was half bonded it was almost painful to be near you and to be away from Spike. It was that damn spell.”
“But now?” Willow asked.
“Fully bonded now; no more spell. Well, I hope no more spell. I was going to ask you guys to check it and make sure. But we’re pretty sure it’s shut down.”
A bright smile lit Tara’s face. “I’m happy to do the spell again for you Xander, but it might just be a formality now. Look.” She waved her hand between Xander and Buffy indicating how close they were sitting. “Buffy if the spell was still active, I think we would have known by now, going by past events.”
Buffy’s eyes widened and filled with tears. “I think you’re right. Does this mean I can have a hug?”
Xander smiled. “Do I have to pat you down first?”
“Well if you did, I know now you wouldn’t just be copping a feel.”
“Nah Buff, you got the curves and bumps in all the wrong places for me.” Xander held his arms out and she slid across the bench seat and wrapped her arms around him.
“I love you Xander and I’m still worried about you but I trust you to be happy and safe,” she whispered.
“I am safe Buff and I’m so far beyond happy.” Xander felt a thump at his side as Willow joined in.
“Not leaving me out of a Scooby group hug mister.”
Xander relaxed and enjoyed the moment with the girls, feeling like both nothing and everything had changed. He was so glad to be able to take this comfort from his friends and to be able to do it without the pain and discomfort of just a few days ago. The girls’ closeness just felt right and there was no urgent craving to be with Spike. Yes, there was still a burning desire for his presence, but that was more manageable, even enjoyable.
Xander laughed. Spike had been right to disappear for a while. He would have hated the warm fuzzies Xander had right now. Again, he had that twinge of worry, thinking about what Spike might be doing but in a well used move, he pushed it aside in favour of the more pleasant thoughts and feelings of a make up hug with his girls.
Part Fifty
Apart from the fact that he had an eye on the door, an ear tuned to the smallest of noises outside and a fire inside that threatened to manifest itself in a most inappropriate way, it was just a normal night around the research table for Xander. Normal, aside from there also being no research and the discussion was revolving around his relationship with Spike. Xander recognised this as being his new kind of normal.
Giles remained immersed in his bookwork; apparently the business of profit and loss was far more interesting than Xander’s new alternative lifestyle and unconventional choice of partner. The girls however, had what seemed to be an endless supply of questions, some of which he answered, others he sidestepped and a few he outright refused to answer.
Yes, he was happy. Yes, Spike was too. No, he hadn’t helped Spike bleach his hair yet. And no, he wouldn’t be bleaching his own. Yes, they sometimes argued. No, he wouldn’t tell them what about. Yes, he had really truly bitten Spike. No, he would not discuss the circumstances. Ever. Yes, Spike was as well muscled as he’d imagined. No, Anya, he would not elaborate on that with a quick sketch. He’d known as soon as Anya returned from her dinner date that the theme of the questions would take a turn.
Xander could tell the girls were itching to ask personal questions, but after he’d declined to address more intimate issues, they’d soon recognised his boundaries. He knew Spike wouldn’t be too impressed if he shared their private matters and really, Xander had no desire expose them in that way. It was apparent that Buffy and Willow were still apprehensive regarding Spike, but in the interests of maintaining the new found status quo with Xander, they very obviously withheld a great deal of their questions.
Anya however, could be relied upon to be brutally honest and painfully blunt as always. Was Spike satisfying? Pass. Was Spike adventurous? Pass. Was Spike a giver or a taker? Pass and pass again. And same for the next ten questions, pass in bulk and save the trouble of asking them. Xander also politely refused to ask her about her sex life with Simon; questions, she pointed out, that she would be fully prepared to answer in a much more gratifying way than he had. Xander laughed to himself at her disappointment.
The issues of his consort strengths came up and Xander discussed these more easily; his enhanced sense of smell, his vision and hearing, some strength, better coordination and faster healing. He made no mention of the sexual stamina, however that was thoughtfully brought up by Anya, just in case he’d forgotten. The girls tried to touch on the bond between him and Spike but again, he tiptoed around that, just briefly outlining it but explaining how he felt it was just too private a thing to discuss.
In the interests of keeping everything between them relatively open, and avoiding any surprises and confrontations in the future, Xander decided to broach the subject of his longevity with his friends. He hoped that if all his cards were on the table, then their relationship could flow much more smoothly from here on out.
“There is one more thing that I got from Spike, I guess it might come out of the healing but I don’t know, it could be a separate thing altogether.”
Anya was sitting next to him and he could see and almost feel the serious mood suddenly drop over her. “It’s separate Xander.”
Willow and Buffy looked mildly hurt. “You already talked to Anya about this?” Willow asked.
“No I haven’t but I guess Anya is just a bit more aware of these things with her background.” He felt Anya take the hand that was resting in his lap. “Apart from the need for blood and the demon face, I got everything that makes Spike strong.” He waited a moment, hoping that one of them would get it. It was no longer a heart wrenching thought for him but still gave him pause for thought, and the thoughts sometimes hurt. When he saw that they didn’t understand he sighed. “Spike is more than one hundred and twenty years old. Unless he is staked, or beheaded, or burnt, he’s going to be two hundred and twenty, or three hundred and twenty. So am I.”
“Oh, Xan. Are you sure?” Buffy asked. “Maybe the spell-.”
“Not the spell Buff. That would have done it anyway, but no, it’s part of your standard consort package.”
Anya was squeezing his hand and while it felt strange not being Spike’s, it was also familiar and comforting. “It took me a long time to come to grips with it, but I think I’m okay about it now. It raises a whole bunch of issues for me, less for you I suppose. I kinda would prefer not to have to rehash everything again, it was a bad few days when I found out. Maybe one day in the future we can sit down and go over it all but for now, I’m okay with it and if we could just brush the details under the rug I’d be eternally grateful. No pun intended.”
“Xan you didn’t say anything? Didn’t let us help?” Willow said with a sad voice.
“No offence intended Will, but what could you have said or done?”
“Xander’s right,” Anya said. “I don’t think you can imagine the thoughts and feelings you have. Xander needed to work through with it someone who’s been there.” She turned a mock glare on him. “Although why he didn’t call me I just don’t know.”
“Sorry Ahn. Needed a different kind of someone for that.”
She smiled with understanding. “I know. But you can talk to me any time okay?”
He squeezed her fingers and returned her smile. “So now, everything I know, you know. That’s about it.”
“Talk about finishing on a high note.” Willow chided him. “I don’t know what to think about that. I mean, Xan, you can’t die.”
“Course I can die Will. It just means that if I can stay away from the dangerous end of the swords and demons, I get a few more birthday cakes than you. Oh, and presents too.” He tried to make light of it to avoid bringing down the girls’ mood and his as well. There had been enough tears over this issue.
They picked up on this thankfully and began an earnest discussion on what would make an appropriate hundredth birthday present for someone who was not incontinent in a wheelchair, sucking on stewed apples. Anya contributed the demon version of the traditional gifts for birthdays ending in double zero, but as the one hundredth involved the ritual flaying and wearing of a hybrid demon wildebeest, Xander refused to hear the rest and decided to go with Willow’s suggestion of a pair of fuzzy slippers. Her thinking was that no matter how old a man was he would always need warm feet. Knowing how much Spike liked to soak up Xander’s body heat, he had to agree. The girls very obviously avoided the fact that, barring any further supernatural intervention, they would not be there to buy him those gifts. Xander glanced over at Giles and could easily tell from the watcher’s expression that none of this was news to him.
~*~*~*~*~
It was just after midnight when the door burst open and Spike returned carrying a large cardboard box. Xander’s heart rate immediately sped up as he got an enormous boost of hyped energy from Spike. He could feel how tightly wound Spike was; apparently he’d had a very good night.
Spike dropped the box in the doorway and bounded across the room to Xander. “Hello consort,” he said, grabbing Xander by the neck, tipping his head back and thoroughly kissing him, with one hand down the front of his shirt.
Xander’s muffled protest died away and he hung on to Spike’s coat to stop himself toppling over. He tasted smoke and copious amounts of whiskey, but underneath that Xander could detect minute traces of blood, a thought he quickly pushed away to deal with later. Through the bond, he felt like he’d either gotten a shot of adrenaline or eaten a few hundred pixie sticks. Xander blushed furiously as Spike let him back up and he faced the girls.
Buffy, Tara and Willow all wore matching expressions of surprise and fidgeted in their seats, not sure where to look. Anya however was clearly thrilled. “Don’t stop on account of us Spike.”
“Stopping now pet, cause if I don’t the slayer and the witches here will get more than their delicate eyes bargained for,” Spike told her.
“And let’s not forget the watcher,” Giles’ voice came from behind the counter. “There is only so much I am able to block out by taking these off.” He waved his glasses.
“Come on now Rupert, you’re not trying to tell me your poor sensibilities are offended?”
“The boundaries of my sensibilities are not open for discussion Spike.”
Spike snorted at him, looked pointedly at Anya till she vacated her seat, then dropped down heavily next to Xander. “So love. What are we talking about? Did you get everything sorted out with these bints?” Spike ignored the girls’ protests at his language, threw his arm around Xander’s neck and focused on him with a hard unblinking stare.
“Um yeah, I ah-, we-, um,” Xander found it extraordinarily difficult to concentrate on simple sentences while under Spike’s intense scrutiny. The lingering taste in his mouth and the heady pulses of lust Spike was pouring through their bond were fogging his brain. “Don’t you want to go home?”
“Soon love,” he smirked. “Want you to tell me about your night first. Did they give you a hard time? Do I need to growl at anyone?”
“No it’s all fine, the girls know everything; all the consort stuff and its cool.” He turned to Buffy and Willow. “We’re cool right? We’re good?”
They both agreed. “All hunky dory Xan,” Willow said. “Well, pretty much anyway, just give us some time to get used to everything, and then of course we’ll be talking about it all behind your back for a while and filling in the gaps where you wouldn’t tell us stuff. But yeah, we’re all good.”
“You wouldn’t tell them something love? What would that be?” Spike asked him.
Anya jumped in. “Xander seems to think that bites and bonds are off limits, I tried to tell him that you wouldn’t mind if he told us, but no. It’s all private and personal and no Anya, this is one of those things you don’t talk about in polite company. But now you’re here Spike and you’ve never been polite company, so can we know now?”
“If my consort says no, then it’s no.” He looked at Xander. “Still no?”
“Still hell no.”
Spike nodded his satisfaction, then jumped back to his feet. “Right then, everybody’s happy. I’d love to stick around and hear about everything that happened but that’s an outright lie, I actually don’t care a whit, so we’re going. Ready mate?”
“Ah, yeah, sure.” Xander stood and did the rounds, hugging the girls and stopped at Tara. “Can we do the spell again tomorrow? Just to make sure it’s gone?”
“No problem Xander, just come over when you’re ready.”
Spike hovered impatiently, pulling on Xander’s arm while he said his goodbyes. “Oh, okay it looks like we’re in a hurry, bye guys, see you tomorrow.” Xander laughed as Spike hauled him up to the door, collected his carton and shoved Xander in the direction of the car.
~*~*~*~*~
Xander fished out his keys and just managed a quick breath before Spike dropped his box and pounced on him. He was all hands, lips and teeth as he pressed Xander against the car door.
Xander eventually pulled away, panting for breath. “Spike let’s take this home. You can have a shower, get all that goop off you, whatever that is, get all these clothes off me then pick up where we leave off. Sound okay?”
Spike pulled Xander’s shirt loose and his hands slid underneath, while his leg worked itself between Xander’s. “We could do that love, or we could skip all that and I could take you over the bonnet of your car.” His lips went to Xander’s neck and he nuzzled the scar while his fingers pinched at Xander’s nipples.
Xander fought against the mindless passion from Spike surging through him and the sensations Spike was creating at his neck, chest and groin. “It’s a hood, and not a chance in hell Bleachie. I don’t care how hot you are, you are not fucking me in the street.”
Spike’s hand slipped down inside Xander’s jeans and wrapped around the hard shaft. “Are you sure love, it would be quick, or slow, however you like it. I could pull your jeans down, spread you open, slick you up and slide right in.” Spike’s voice washed over him, low and smooth. “Face down love, or on your back, either way you would spread you legs for me, come for me when you feel me fill you. And bite you.” He not so gently pressed his blunt teeth into Xander’s neck.
Spike’s words, his cool breath, his strong hands, his lips and teeth all worked together against Xander’s inhibitions. Xander gripped Spike’s face in his hands and brought their lips together in a deep and frantic kiss as he thrust himself into Spike’s fist. He never knew how far he would have let it go, he only knew that he was disappointed and thankful all at once when a slamming door further down the street brought him back to himself.
Reluctantly? Gratefully? Whichever way, he pushed himself away from Spike. “God, I love you, and you have no idea how much I want you right now, but we are so going home before you have me doing something I really think I might regret.”
“Are you sure love? Hard and fast, a bit of a warm up before we get home? You smell so bloody good I don’t think I could last long anyway.” Spike’s hand still worked him. “I had a busy night mate and you know what a good fight does for me.”
Again there was a niggling thought in the back of Xander’s mind as he wondered what Spike had done while he was out; and again he refused to think about it. Instead he gently removed Spike’s hand from his pants, then groaned as Spike slowly and deliberately licked the dampness off his fingers.
“No I’m not sure, but let’s go anyway. I’m so not ready for the girls to interrupt this. Not that I’ll ever be ready for that but you know what I mean, Bleachie. I need you, but not here please.
There was no disappointment coming from Spike, just an urgent passion and want, the edge of that softened by his feelings of love. “Get in the car then Harris.” Spike pushed him through the driver’s side door then raced around to his own side, throwing his carton in the back seat. “The sooner you get me home, the sooner I get you shagged yeah?”
~*~*~*~*~
As they drove home, Xander’s mind began to wander despite Spike’s rapid fire description of the various demons and vampires he’d fought and killed. Smoke, whiskey and blood. And blood. But whiskey? “Spike did you go to the Lion or Willy’s tonight?” He interrupted Spike’s graphic explanation of what happens when you take the head off a Souadian demon.
Spike shook his head. “Not tonight love. I wouldn’t go out on the town without you. Why?”
“Whiskey, Spike. You taste like whiskey. Other things too, but the whiskey is fresh.”
“Oh right. I stopped by the crypt and packed up the last of my stuff, that’s what’s in the box. Clem was a bit lonely so I had a couple of drinks with him before I left. Something wrong love?”
“Just wondering I guess.”
“You’d tell me if there was something wouldn’t you? I’m so keyed up and horny right now I can’t think straight, let alone sort out what’s coming through the bond.”
Xander laughed softly. “I know Bleachie, I can feel it. We’ll be home soon, don’t worry. We have all night for you to work that energy off.”
~*~*~*~*~
As it was, Spike’s energy lasted for the remainder of the night and well past dawn and Xander easily kept pace. They were both thankful for Xander’s consort stamina and by the time Spike was finally shagged out, the scar on Xander’s neck had been reopened twice, along with Spike’s. The second and third time Spike had bitten him had been powerful but nowhere near as intense as the first. Again for the few minutes immediately after, they were able to induce another orgasm merely by stimulating the area of the bite.
Xander marvelled at how much closer he felt to Spike after having been claimed as consort. He wouldn’t have thought it would get any better than it had been in the last week, but he’d been more than pleased to be mistaken. He knew his feelings were reciprocated as they echoed back at him through the bond. Contentedly, he realised that he would have little opportunity to ever question Spike’s devotion to him or to feel insecure within their relationship. Everything was so open to him now he could never have any doubts. Completely sated and spent, he wound himself snugly in Spike’s arms and slept until well into the afternoon.
~*~*~*~*~
Xander gradually surfaced and found himself face to face with Spike, both of them using the same pillow. A slow broad smile grew as Xander lay quietly and examined Spike’s face. He wondered if he could kiss Spike without waking him. Probably not. Could he maybe lick that corner of his mouth? Nah. Xander satisfied himself with watching Spike sleep. Okay so it was not the most exciting thing to do since Spike was no more than a corpse in their bed. Necrophilia. People said it like it was a bad thing. Xander tried not to laugh, then jumped violently when Spike’s clear voice surprised him.
“Harris what are you doing?”
“Looking.”
“At what?”
“You.”
Spike opened his eyes. “Why?”
“Cause I love you and I’m thinking about how many times I’m going to be able to wake up like this.”
“That makes you laugh?” he asked with one eyebrow cocked.
“Nah, just having stupid thoughts too.”
“One of the things I love about you mate. You’re an idiot.”
“You’ve had over a hundred years and you still haven’t got a handle on romantic have you?”
“You wake me up while the sun’s still out, after shagging me silly for hours and you want romance?”
“No, not really. You get all romantic and I’d be worried you were possessed or something. Okay well possessed by something different and scarier.”
“Oi! I’m plenty scary.” Spike wormed his way closer and pulled a laughing Xander in, running his hands down his back and circling their hips together. “Got it, love. No romance, we just get down to business.”
Xander smiled and kissed him, loath to stop but forcing himself anyway. “No Bleachie. No romance, no business. I have an elsewhere to be.”
“You’re off to see the witches?”
“Yep. Tara is going to do the spell again and see if I’ve got the all clear. You want to come?”
“No love, I might drop in on a mate and see if I can get a bit of work.”
“That guy who fixes your coat?”
“Yeah I haven’t been for a while and he probably needs me. Now the chip is gone, there might be a bit of extra work too.”
Xander frowned. “What do you mean?”
“The Zeeum has a mix of clients, human and demon. He never sent me after the humans before cause I couldn’t rough them up. Chip’s gone, now I can take care of all his runners.”
This information didn’t sit well with Xander. He wanted to ask what Spike’s work for the Zeeum entailed but wasn’t sure if he truly wanted to know. He’d gone into this relationship knowing exactly what his lover was. He’d accepted the claim, knowing Spike’s chip was gone and everything that meant. He felt now he had no right to be concerned about what Spike did when he was out.
“Love, you weren’t any good at hiding your feelings before I could sense them. You’re even worse now. I don’t kill any of these clients, just shake them up a bit till the money they owe appears.”
Xander shook his head and gave a weak smile. “No it’s okay Spike, I understand. I don’t want to stop you doing what you do.”
“I’m not going to stop, it’s where the cash comes from love. Which reminds me. I cleaned out a nest of fledges, particularly stupid fledges who had taken to a bit of banditry. There’s some cash in the closet, help yourself if you like.”
Xander thought about that. The money had been stolen from someone or somewhere, he wasn’t sure if he could take it, but he had no problem with Spike spending it. “Spike that’s your money, you use it how you want. I have enough of my own for what I need.”
“Problem with it love?”
Xander answered honestly. “No, not really. I’d just feel a bit weird taking it is all.”
Spike felt Xander’s confusion but also the truth in his answers and was okay with that. “Suit yourself mate. I won’t apologise for where I get my cash. Not like I can get a nine to five is it?”
“No? I think I could see you in a suit and tie with a briefcase, sitting at a big shiny desk. A dark blue suit. White shirt. Yeah I can see that.”
“You’ve put a bit of thought into that love,” Spike laughed.
Xander kissed him. “Nah, I think I like you best in your black. It has that Big Bad feel to it. Suits you.”
“Smooth talker.” Spike snorted.
~*~*~*~*~
They spent a short time lying together before Xander checked the clock and cut short Spike’s amorous efforts to keep him in bed. Showered and changed, he made arrangements to meet up with Spike later for dinner at the Lion. Xander kept up a smiling happy face until Spike had dropped down into the tunnel access two doors down, then let his thoughts flood him.
Despite what he’d told Spike, he still wasn’t sure what he felt about Spike’s work. It had been different when it was just demons. But now Spike was free and there were humans in the mix. Spike said it was only a bit of a shake down but the hints of blood Xander had detected in Spike’s kiss last night came back to him.
Pushing aside his concerns, wanting to take Spike at his word, Xander headed for the girls’ house. At least he would be able to set his mind to rest about the spell.
Part Fifty-One
As hard as he tried, Xander couldn’t suppress his thoughts and they niggled at him all the way to Buffy’s house. Had he done the right thing in accepting Spike’s claim and making one of his own? Definitely. No question. But he had no idea how he was going to reconcile the fact that he was bound to someone whose base instinct was to kill; whose staple diet was human. He’d known, he’d said he accepted, but now faced with the hard evidence he was baulking. He hated himself for it.
Smoke, whiskey, blood. Definitely blood. He loved the smoke and whiskey taste of his vampire. It was hard and masculine and combined with Spike’s own unique flavours was both comforting and arousing. But last night there had been an unexpected taste added to the mix. One he’d recognised well, because of course Spike had been feeding on bagged human blood at home and of course it had been on his breath and lingering in his mouth.
The first time Xander had kissed him and tasted blood, he’d almost recoiled but the irresistible draw of his lover had soon put paid to that and he’d gotten quite used to it. But it was something he associated with home. Spike fed from the bags only at home and for the last two nights, while establishing and revisiting the claim, he had also fed off Xander, although to a lesser extent. The taste of his own blood in Spike’s mouth was more than erotic, but the taste of fresh blood, from a completely unknown source was just plain disconcerting.
Spike had stopped for a few drinks with Clem, so the blood had to have been mostly washed away and yet Xander was still able to detect it. So it was more than he usually had and then he hadn’t eaten when they’d gotten home, obviously didn’t need to. It could have been demon blood, but Xander was pretty sure he would notice the difference and doubted that a chip free Spike would bother to feed off demons when there were humans wandering around just ripe for the picking.
And he’d known all this. He knew Spike was a vampire, knew it when they’d first gotten together, knew it when they’d first made love, knew it when they had become master and consort. Knew and acknowledged and perhaps by default, if not condoned, at least accepted. He felt as though he didn’t have a leg to stand on. Spike was what he was and Xander was vampire’s consort. How could he then go to Spike and insist on a change to what was basically Spike’s nature? He couldn’t; and if he was honest with himself he didn’t want to try, just wanted to be able to bear it. The idea of Spike biting a human, feeding from a human felt like cheating. Spike may as well have slept with someone; this felt much similar. It hurt just the same.
Pulling up outside Buffy’s house, Xander shut off the car and rested his head back against the seat to collect himself. This was absolutely not a concern he wanted to share with the girls. Particularly not with the slayer. He would work out how to bring it up with Spike later. For now he needed to focus on the spell Tara was about to conduct. Xander took a few deep breaths, grabbed his coat and climbed out.
~*~*~*~*~
The spell went much the same as it had last time. Xander immersed his hands in the bowl, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell that the girls didn’t seem to pick up on. Tara added extra ingredients while Willow sat nearby with the notepad making sketches and Buffy just watched interestedly. Unlike the last time, though, there were few symbols materialising in the air. Two to be exact. While Xander helped Willow clean up, Tara scoured the books for the meaning of the coloured shapes.
“Okay Xander, I have something,” Tara called.
They all sat around the table and waited for Tara’s explanation. Xander had his fingers crossed for a good result that reflected what both he and Spike felt. But, being the Hellmouth, one became resigned to crossed fingers being a completely futile exercise.
“Xander you were right, the spell is not active anymore, in fact it is almost gone entirely.”
“Almost? Not completely? Are you sure you mean almost?” Xander asked, keeping a lid on his panic.
“Yes I do mean almost, sorry.” And Xander could see she really was. “There are a couple of elements still active. One is just a minute trace of magic that says you are completely bonded. Now that could be separate from the original spell and might just be a detection of Spike’s claim, I can’t tell. Either way that part is harmless, just kind of like a faded ‘sold’ sticker on a house.”
“Okay, that I can deal with,” he nodded confidently. “What else? You said there was something else.”
“The other residual element seems to be a locator. Um, for want of a better explanation it’s a bit like a homing beacon. It seems to be inactive.”
“Alright, feeling less happy with that. What does that mean?”
“I’m guessing a bit of it, but it seems that it’s a way for the demons who put the original spell on you to be able to find you at some stage. But, like I said, it’s inactive at the moment and there’s no way to tell if or when it will be activated.”
“So they can find me anytime they want?”
“Sorry, Xan. I think that’s right. But you know, maybe now that you’re bonded to Spike they might not want you anymore. They can’t complete the bond so you’re pretty much useless to them. It might be that they can’t even detect you anymore because the bond has been completed.”
“That’s a lot of maybes and ifs and a few too many variables.”
“Tara, is there any way you could block it, cover it up, anything?” Buffy asked.
“Maybe. I’d have to look into it. There was no way we could interfere with the original spell without risking Xander, I just don’t know about this part of it.”
“We can look though Xan,” Willow said, squeezing his hand. “You know we’ll do everything we can to help.”
Xander nodded. Not exactly the result he was looking for but hopefully Tara was right. Now that he was bonded to Spike, the other demons had no claim on him and he would just have to be optimistic about that. “Okay, thanks guys. I really do appreciate everything you’re doing here. I know Spike does too even though he would never say it. So I’ll say thanks for him too, without the swearing and insults.”
Buffy took his hand. “Xan, if those things ever turn up, you know they’ll have to come through me right? Through all of us.”
“Yeah I know. But I’m just going with Tara’s theory. I’m claimed, they lost out. I guess that’s what they get for trying to claim someone who lives on a Hellmouth. What were the chances that I wouldn’t be claimed by someone else before they came back?”
“Well that’s true, it’s not the brightest move a demon could make.”
Tara left them to their demon bashing and got drinks and snacks for everybody. Xander spent a reasonably happy afternoon with his girls, glad to be almost back to a normal relationship with them again. An hour or so after sundown, he stood and said his goodbyes, explaining how he needed to meet Spike.
“Ooh, a date? You have a date?” Willow grinned.
“Ah, not exactly Will. I kinda think we’re past the dating stage now.”
“Yeah I guess you’re pretty much married aren’t you?” Buffy asked.
“Oh bad word there Buff,” Xander cringed. “I don’t know a better one off the top of my head and that might explain it well enough, but married? Sounds a bit domestic to me. Spike would hate it.”
“Well what then?”
“Does it have to have a label?” he asked. “I’m his consort, won’t that do?”
Buffy grinned at him and poorly muffled the word “Husband,” in an appallingly fake cough.
“And on that note and before it degenerates into any more needless name calling, I’m out of here.” Xander headed straight for the door, smiling at the happy feeling of closeness he’d gotten from the visit. He turned to hug the girls before he left. “Group patrol tomorrow? It’s been a while.”
“Now that’s a date!” Willow said poking him. “I’ll bring the chips.”
Xander laughed and waved back to them as he jogged out to the car. Nice day. Lot’s of crazy sex, a good sleep, a fun time with his girls and he didn’t think he was wrong in predicting a good dinner from Rose. Xander turned the car radio up nice and loud and sang even louder trying to block out the bad thoughts that were trying to force their way to the forefront of his mind. Shove those nasties far away and enjoy the rest of the day. That was his plan.
~*~*~*~*~
He pulled the car up a few doors away from the Bear and Lion and locked up. As he approached the door a smile spread across his face when he realised he could feel Spike inside the pub. Just a light, warm feeling in his chest and stomach but it was one that he knew came from only one source. He shoved his way through the doors, confused when he couldn’t immediately see Spike. Tom at the bar caught his eye and waved him over.
“Xander! Good to see you again mate.” Xander took the hand that Tom held out over the bar. “Everythin’ okay?”
“Couldn’t be any better Tom. Why do you ask?”
“Misery guts over there,” he said jerking his thumb over his shoulder.
Xander leaned around and saw Spike sitting at the booth they often used. There was a row of empty shot glasses and a half a bottle of whiskey in front of him and he was slumped, staring at nothing.
Xander frowned and tried to tune himself into Spike’s mood. It was a little fuzzy but he caught some regret, resignation and a touch of anger. “How long has he been here?” he asked Tom.
“Not too long,” Tom sighed. “He just waltzed in, threw a handful of cash over the bar and asked me to keep the shots comin’. I eventually just gave him the bottle. Couldn’t get anythin’ out of him though. Even our Rosie had a go but he’s clammed right up.”
“I don’t think he’s hurt, I can’t feel that, but something’s wrong.” He picked up the beer Tom put on the bar. “Thanks, I’ll go see what’s up.”
As Xander stepped away from the bar, Spike looked up and held his gaze as Xander walked to the table, and slid into the booth. Xander kissed him, noting Spike’s almost mechanical response and took his hands. “What’s happened, what’s wrong?”
“I love you,” Spike said simply as though it explained everything.
“Yeah Spike, I know. But what’s wrong?”
“That’s what’s wrong. If I didn’t love you I’d be normal.”
Xander felt his stomach lurch, all the happiness he’d been feeling gone in an instant. “Okay, Spike. What’s going on? What do you mean normal?”
He pulled away and spoke harshly. “I mean me. I’m not normal, we’re not normal. This isn’t normal. Vampires aren’t meant to be with humans. This shouldn’t even be a soddin’ issue.”
“Spike you need to tell me what happened, cause I am so not liking the sound of anything you’re saying.”
Spike didn’t answer, just poured the amber liquid into the row of empty glasses and downed another three shots.
Xander snatched the glass out of his hand and slammed it down on the table. “Damn it Spike. Stop drinking and tell me. You’re saying there’s something wrong with us? What is it?”
“The watcher was right. There’s too much human in me.” He laughed. “Dru must have really bollocksed it up when she turned me. Pathetic excuse for a master fucking vampire I am.”
“And still the mud is no clearer. Will you just tell me? Please?”
“And that’s just more proof isn’t it? All you have to do is look at me like that and say please and I’m doing anything you ask. I don’t even have a bloody soul as an excuse, not like the poof. I’m all demon, but what self respecting demon bends to a human? Claims a human?”
Xander dreaded the answer but needed to ask anyway. “Do you regret the claim now Spike? You want me gone?”
Spike glanced at him with frustrated anger then focused on a puddle of whiskey. “No. No, I do not regret it and no I do not want you gone. I should regret it, I should be thinking what the fuck have I done taking a human consort? But I’m not and therein lies the problem.”
Xander again tried to pick up on Spike’s feelings but he was met with a wall of nothing. Spike had more control over their bond and despite his mood and the amount of alcohol he’d imbibed, he was able to close himself off. Xander gripped Spike’s chin and forced his head up till they were looking into each other’s eyes; Xander’s determined, Spike’s blank. “Spike, I love you but this isn’t you, this self pity. I want you to tell me exactly what happened today to make you think like this. No more fucking around now Spike. You tell me what I want to know and you tell me now.”
The blankness was gone in a flash and anger replaced it. Spike’s eyes glowed yellow but his face held. “I tried to be me. Yesterday. Last night. I went out I tortured demons, I taunted vamps, set some on fire and tore the others apart. I enjoyed every minute of it.”
“Spike I know that’s what you do. That’s what you’ve been doing for a long time now. What’s the problem?” Xander was confused; none of that was news to him.
“It wasn’t enough. The cemetery was empty so I went into the town. There were so many humans. A movie had just let out and it was so easy. You separate the weakest ones from the pack. I wondered if I would still know how, but I suppose a hundred years of habit isn’t lost so quickly.” Spike stopped for a drink and Xander waited patiently, horrified that he knew exactly where this was going. “They were so scared, I could almost taste the fear. She was so simple. She didn’t even fight and that was disappointing, but she was hot and fresh.” He met Xander’s eyes, almost daring him to make a comment. “The blood pumps into your mouth, at first you don’t even need to suck, it just shoots right in and you swallow it down.”
Xander sat very still, not wanting to hear it but needing to listen to Spike. He had no words to respond to what Spike was telling him. It was confirmation of what he’d been thinking all day, but he didn’t know if he would have been better off just left wondering. Would he want the blow by blow account of it if Spike had fucked someone else? Jesus no, but Spike needed to let this out and so Xander would listen no matter how it felt.
“They all taste different you know. I can’t tell the blood types apart, but there’s a difference. Like whiskey,” he fingered his glass. “The bloke, he was a bit more of a challenge. He didn’t run, but when it was his turn he tried to put up a fight. Not like he could do anything but I let him try. Spices up the blood with adrenaline, gives you a nice rush. He’d been drinking too, so he was like a cocktail. I’d forgotten. I knew what it was like, but I’d forgotten.” Spike reached out to stroke Xander’s cheek. “Xander it was incredible. You have no idea how much that fucking chip was holding me back. I didn’t want to stop. I left their bodies where I drained them and found two more. I wasn’t even hungry, wasn’t even thinking, it was just for the sake of it, because finally I could.” Spike smiled sadly at him. “Look at you. You’re so disappointed with me. And you know what’s fucking with my head the most? How much that bothers me. I don’t have a soul, I shouldn’t care if I disappoint you, but I do. I care so bloody much.”
“Spike I’m not-.”
“Yes you are love. It’s okay.” Spike downed a few more of his shots. “I was happy last night. My demon was happy. It was so bloody intoxicating. I went back to the cemetery again to try and pick a fight with something, just to burn off the energy before I came home. I bumped into Clem, we packed up my gear, had a few drinks then I left, killed a few more fledges and came back to you. I needed you love. I was so wired, then you were happy to see me, the sex was fucking amazing and the bites-.” Spike’s eyes returned to clear blue and he smiled, all anger and pain gone. “Bloody hell Xander, there is nothing else like that. And I mean it, love. Nothing.” He rubbed his fingers over the scar on Xander’s neck, the smile slowly fading to be replaced with a frown. “And that’s the crux of it isn’t it? There is nothing better.”
Xander pushed aside the feelings of hurt he felt at Spike’s admissions and searched his face for some clue, some hint about what the hell was going on. It was significant, everything Spike was telling him; the fact that he was ‘Xander’ more often than not was a telling sign in itself, but nothing made sense. Somewhere in Spike’s mind there was an answer, but Xander was going to have to wait until Spike worked his way around to it. Xander sighed and hooked a hand behind Spike’s neck, pulling him in to touch their lips softly together. Spike barely responded but neither did he pull away. “Spike, I want to understand, but help me out here.”
“I went out again today. The Zeeum gave me a list, mostly demons, some humans. All idiots who thought they didn’t have to pay for his services. I saw to them. All of them. Got most of his money back, got a nice payout myself.”
Xander’s heart leapt as he thought about what that might mean. Human defaulters; all seen to. Spike had killed four people last night; fed from four people and selfishly that hurt more than the killing. Now there might be more? Xander did his best to ignore that and concentrate on helping Spike sort out whatever had gotten to him.
“You’ve blocked me so I can’t tell what you’re feeling but I can guess what you’re thinking. I told you it was just a shake down and I kept my word to you. But after that I went out again. Last night it was so fucking incredible. I was satisfied, the demon was satisfied, it’s been so long I just wanted to feel that again. I found a woman, she was walking by herself, taking a shortcut through the park just after the sun went down. Stupid bint should know better in a town like this. She was terrified, almost paralysed at first. I played with her for a little while, letting her run just far enough that she’d thought she got away, but you know she couldn’t have. Once upon a time I would have had her first, didn’t want to touch her like that though, not any of them, not anymore.”
Thank heavens for small mercies. Spike hadn’t raped, just fed and murdered but still Xander was feeling as though Spike had cheated on him. He nodded his acknowledgement, toyed with his drink, then pushed it away. He braced himself to hear more.
“I bit her Xander. She cried and thrashed about for a while, begged like they all do. But then I let her go. I fucking let a human go because it was just all wrong.” His golden eyes were back and his face rippled before settling back down again. “I bit her, I fed off her and it was so wrong, both the bite and her blood. It wasn’t you and it wasn’t your blood and I couldn’t stand it. I spat it out and I let her go.”
“You really let her go?” Xander asked.
Spike nodded.
Xander was struck dumb. Not that he’d been remotely able to think of a single thing to say before this but now he was completely at a loss. Feelings he had plenty of. Words? None. He told Spike as much.
“You don’t have to say anything love. I hardly know what to say about it myself. Well no that’s not true or I wouldn’t have been prattling on for so long. I just don’t know what to think next. I’m a vampire, I’m supposed to bite and kill and not care. I shouldn’t be feeling like this.”
“You should feel however you feel Spike. Who makes the rules? Is there a set of instructions you have to follow? Will you have your vampire licence revoked? You’ve taken a human consort, surely any rules are null and void now.”
“If there were rules then it would be the fairly basic ones I fucked up. Vampires eat humans, vampires don’t give a shit about killing humans. What kind of vampire am I if I don’t even want to do that anymore and regret the ones I fed from last night?”
“But you aren’t just any vampire Spike, you never have been. You know that, I know it, hell even Giles knows. You’re unique, one of a kind and if, for some reason, you don’t act like every other half witted vampire then that’s just you being consistently inconsistent and thumbing your nose at the world. You’ve told me time and again you make your own decisions, this is another.”
“It’s not so much a decision love. It’s not like I have a choice here. I felt so unfaithful to you. Like I was cheating on you. There’s no way I would do that to either of us.”
Xander nodded. “Yesterday I tasted the blood on you. This afternoon all I could think about was how I felt like you’d been with someone else. I thought about that time here when Rose told me how big a deal it was for you to take my blood then I wondered how you could do it with a stranger.”
“Turns out I can’t love. Last night was different, it was such a rush, I lost my head. But tonight was all so wrong.” Spike ran his hand through Xander’s hair. “If you felt like that too, why didn’t you say something? Why leave me to fuck things up like that?”
“Spike, I would never ask you to be less than you are. I wanted to find a way for me to deal with the fact that it was just what you did and I knew that going into this.”
“It’s not what I do anymore love. Maybe this is how it’s meant to be between master and consort. To keep the bond alive we have to exchange blood, we knew that. But maybe that’s all I’m meant to have. Maybe that’s always going to be enough.”
“Spike, I’ve never been a consort, you’ve never had a consort. I bet there’s going to be more things we discover along the way that need a bit of compromise or adjustment from both of us. I can’t imagine anything bigger than this though. So maybe we have the hard stuff out of the way.”
“Maybe we do love. I hope you’re right. This one threw me for a loop. I wanted to be free of that bloody chip and then I find I just don’t want that part of the freedom anymore. It means I’m not who I thought I was and now I have to adjust to that. I don’t like what I did and I hate how it made you feel, but I can guarantee you it won’t happen again.”
“Spike if you had said you had no regrets about it then I would have had a problem. But here we are, we’re both dealing with the same feelings and there’s no way I can hold it against you when neither of us knew what effect it would have.” Xander pulled his shirt aside and tilted his head so Spike could clearly see the scar. “From now on, you want to bite someone, you bite me. You want fresh blood, you have mine.”
“Love I won’t have you be my food.”
“No, it’s not like that is it? You bite me because you love me. I’m not your food, think about when you bite me, how you bite me, this is nothing like feeding is it?”
Spike thought about it for a while, threw back a few more shots then nodded. “It’s all tied up with the sex now for me. That’s what’s done it.” He tapped his head. “Up here, us, I can’t separate the bite from the love and the sex. It’s the same for you now isn’t it?” Xander nodded and Spike sighed. “Fuck it, Rupert was right wasn’t he? I am different. I suppose from here on out we make out own bloody rules about what kind of vampire I am.”
“How about no rules and you just be what you want? Keep the watchers guessing.”
“Fuck with their heads a bit? God knows I’m done fucking with ours.”
“You didn’t fuck with ours, neither of us knew how this claiming business would affect things, now we do we can deal with it.”
Spike sat back in the booth and visibly relaxed for the first time since Xander had arrived. Xander picked up his beer and took a long swallow. Spike’s actions had hurt, but no one was to blame. He’d done what he was built for and, as it turned out, that had all changed when they claimed each other. The feelings of betrayal were fading as Spike opened himself back up to Xander and his love and regret flowed through.
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