Author: jasonsnene
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: R/NC17
Warnings: M/M, you may snort. No really. I did. Hee
Beta: aayesha_r

Written for seductivembrace, who wanted Spander and the prompt teasing from my kink bingo table. Here you go honey. Hope it makes you laugh as hard reading it as I did writing it.

Never, Ever Use the "A" Word

by
Jasonsnene

Spike was evil. Truly evil. The most evil ever. The Big Bad? Pfft. More like the Biggest Bad. The First? Yeah, more like the first in line behind Spike. Glory? As if. Glory to the Highest…the Highest, of course, being Spike. All because he’d called Spike the ‘a’ word.

And no, he hadn’t said he was an ass, or an arse, or an…an…addict? Okay, so an addict was kind of a stupid example, unless of course he was saying that Spike was addicted to him and then, well, it wouldn’t be evil or bad at all so, yeah. Where was he? Oh right, bad ‘a’ words. Hell, he couldn’t even think of any bad ‘a’ words that were as bad as the one he’d used!

Nope, stupid, lack of appropriate ‘a’ word Xander had watched as Spike had walked out of the shower, dripping wet, his blond hair curly and dripping around his ears, and Xander had made the worst mistake of his life. He’d called the vampire adorable.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the worst mistake of his life. There were probably one or two that would rank higher, not that he could recall what they were in his present condition. See, he’d known right away that it was the completely wrong thing to say. The fire had come into Spike’s eyes, and Xander had tried to get away, backing up like any normal perfectly terrified human would when faced with a growling vampire.

He’d even said he was just teasing! Spike had just growled again. Obviously, he’d just made it worse. Apparently, one does not tease a master vampire if one wishes to live to tell the tale. Spike had stalked him around the room, letting Xander have the tiniest little flicker of hope that this wasn’t going to end badly. Then he’d said, in his creepy evil vampire voice, “Teasing? Whelp, I’ll show you teasing.”

So yeah, here he was, approximately thirteen seconds after Spike made that statement. How exactly Spike had managed to get him naked and tied to the bed that quickly was quite possibly the reason Xander’s mind was slightly boggled. Well, that and the fact that he was currently being licked, sucked, nibbled and nipped. But not anywhere he particularly wanted to be.

Well, take that back, cause he didn’t particularly mind where Spike licked, sucked, nibbled, or nipped, but normally that involved some combination of Spike’s mouth and/or hand and little Xander. That part was very obviously missing, even though little Xander was being a very good boy and standing at attention just the way Spike liked.

Nope, Spike was currently sucking on his toes and damned if it wasn’t the sexiest thing ever. Okay, maybe not ever, but really, have you ever had a vampire sucking on your toes? Cause even though it was corny as hell, vampires could suck.

Well, hell, he’d just made another error to go on his Top Ten list. He’d giggled. Yep, with Spike sucking very sensually on his big toe, Xander had gone and made the vampires can suck joke in his mind and giggled. Oh yeah, Spike was really going to get evil now. Xander had a feeling that little Xander was going to have a very long night.

“You think this is funny, pet?” Oh my. Spike was using his serious vampire voice. Of course, all Xander could think was “I vant to suck your blood…mwa ha ha,” and that set him to giggling again.

So Spike had bit him, kinda hard actually, on his inner thigh and for one brief shining moment, Xander had been able to stop giggling long enough to say “ouch!” Then, Spike looked up and glared at him, and Xander, imagining the Count from Sesame Street saying “One, ha ha ha, one bite,” started giggling again.

Then, as if he wasn’t giggling hard enough, Spike had sat back on his haunches, crossed his arms across his chest, and pouted! He’d made a vampire pout! And you know, that was kind of funny too. In fact, so funny that Xander thought of the Count again and thought “One, ha ha ha, one pouty vampire”.

Yep, there was no stopping him now. In fact, he was kind of in pain ’cause he was laughing so hard that he snorted, and he couldn’t even curl up or anything ’cause Spike had him tied spread eagled to the bed, and why being spread eagled made him think of Big Bird doing naughty things to the Count he didn’t know, but really, he was just going to be laughing his ass off forever at this point.

When he’d finally managed to kind of catch his breath, he gasped out “I’m,” giggle, snort, hiccup, “sorry, Spike.”

Spike just looked at him and arched his brow, which nearly set Xander off again. “Yer evil, pet.”

Xander, being the sassy human he was, arched his brow right back and got a smile from his vampire. “Evil enough for you?”

“Oh yeah.” Little Xander wasn’t ignored for long after that and in fact, Xander was able to continue practicing his counting with “One, ha ha ha, one orgasm”. Of course, he lost count after three, but then, he didn’t really care much about counting at that point.

The End

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Never, Ever Use the "A" Word

by Jasonsnene

The End

by
Jasonsnene