Letters of . . .
by
Cobalt Mystic
16...Love, Pt2 Deep
Spike kissed his way from nipple to navel hungrily trading torso for a beautiful erect cock. Taking his time he first chastely kissed the head- even that small act causing Xander’s essence to explode over his senses- then proceeded to kiss/nibble along the pulsing vein to the base of his love’s cock. The vampire nuzzled against a warm thigh, coarse hair, and a throbbing cock; without realizing it began to purr deep in his chest.
The feel of the vamp’s vibrations caused Xander’s breath to hitch and his legs to automatically pull up granting greater access to his entrance. His lover wasted no time in snatching their lube from the nightstand and liberally slicking his fingers.
Spike’s slicked fingers circled Xander’s opening in ever contracting spirals until a single digit tickled then slide inside.
The sumptuous keening sounds generated by the mortal were all but drowned out by Spike’s hiss of pleasure. Slowly, tenderly, as if it was their first time, he worked his finger in and out of his lover’s body. When he added a second he made sure to rub over the alluring bundle of nerves secreted away in that hot cavern, triggering a cry of desire from Xander even as his body spasmed from the almost electrical jolt.
After a few moments of scissoring and stretching (and watching his love virtually finger fuck himself as he thrashed and writhed against the vamp’s hand) Spike added a third slicked finger- this time eliciting a wanton groan and a litany of muttered begging.
“GodsbabypleaseSpikeneedyouneedyouplease
Spike knew that if he’d been human the bruises his treasured boy was making would take days to heal, as it was he could only revel in the power and need the touch conveyed. Tearing himself away from that blissful sensation, Spike kissed his way up his pet’s belly and chest, allowing his fingers to slip from Xander’s slick hole. As he continued up Xander’s neck he positioned himself and as he took his lover’s delicious mouth, he slid home.
Both man and vamp moaned breathily at the feel of a cool silk sheathed shaft wrapped tightly in a warm velvet lined cavern.
Spike set a slow mind-blowing pace, gradually pulling almost entirely out before gently thrusting deep.
Xander wrapped his arms and legs around Spike all but encasing his vampire in soft human warmth.
The movement altered their angle allowing each of Spike’s torturously time-consuming thrusts to swipe over Xander’s sweet spot.
Watching his love’s face contort in pleasure, feeling himself enveloped by his body while his back was being torn by surprisingly strong human fingers, hearing their mixed moans, gasps, and Xander’s whimpered pleas was almost too much; it took every bit of his control to keep to the anguishingly slow pace and not give in to the desire to pound into the sweet heat of the man he cherished above all. Spike’s firm body pressed to Xander’s, one arm curling around a tanned shoulder; the other snaking up to tangle pale fingers in sable hair.
Their lips seemed to be in continuous contact, if not with each other then with face, neck, or occasionally shoulders. Every part of their bodies that could be touching were.
Hours passed or possibly mere minutes, it was hard to tell, man and vamp were so consumed by the intensity of their coupling. Their thrusts became harder and their tempo more erratic. Amber eyes locked on chocolate. Xander bared his neck to his vampire lover, knowing that teeth breaking flesh would send them both over that glorious precipise.
The vamp took his time, nibbling, licking, and sucking his mark and it’s surroundings thoroughly before easing his fangs into his Xander.
Xander screamed then dug his own teeth into his vamp’s neck as filmy liquid erupted simultaneously between their stomachs and coating Xander’s insides.
Even with the slow rhythm, Xander was sweating, something he hoped would mask his tears- oh, he knew his love could smell the salty pain, but at least he couldn’t see them. He only hoped that was enough to keep Spike from being overly concerned.
It wasn’t.
Gradually, Spike’s steady undulations stopped and his lips brushed the trail of tears down Xander’s cheek. He nuzzled into Xander’s face, unintentionally allowing the human to feel his own cooler tears. “Xan, Treasure… You know if there’s any way…”
Xander’s sob broke through Spike’s words and he clutched the vampire tighter, nodding his head, muttering, “I know,” and “I love you,” over and over.
“I’ll come back to you.”
Another sob, albeit a silent one, racked the young man’s body.
“Shhh, Pet… jus’ see to it you’re ‘round for me to come back to, yeah.” Rolling them so Spike was now on his back, he tucked his dearest treasure, the one thing he loved whole-heartedly, who somehow loved him unconditionally, into his side, peppering his head, face and hand with loving kisses and quiet endearments.
“Yes, love?”
“However I can- you have my word.”
17...Confession
His heart was trying to pound it’s way out of his chest. His breath came in ragged bursts and he was covered in sweat. He knew what was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier. There was a flash of white and he screamed.
He shot up from his sleep as he had every night since Sunnydale- breathless, cold, and alone. It was worse than after Caleb. At least then he’d had Spike to comfort him. He’d be there, gently rocking him, before the nightmares got too bad, telling him he was safe, making him feel safe, and keeping the monsters at bay.
Then Sunnydale imploded taking Spike with it.
He reached under his pillow for Alyssa’s letters. Spike had left them for him, with Angel of all people. He still hadn’t read them, he hadn’t even managed to open the package, but he kept them with him always.
There was a soft knock at his door.
“Come on in Wills.”
“Oh good, you’re up.” She walked over to the bed and sat down. Studying her oldest and dearest friend, “Still having the dreams, huh?”
“That obvious?”
She rubbed his shoulder lovingly, “Only to me, Xan.”
His eye smiled at her even if his mouth couldn’t manage. “So, what brings so beautiful a woman to my bed at this time of day?”
It was good to hear Willow’s laugh; it was one of the things he missed most when he was off collecting Slayers.
“There’s someone here to see you. I could ask them to come back later, though, you look tired, and I don’t know what they want.”
Xander waved his arms in mock surrender. “Will, who is it?”
“Angel.”
He cringed, “And what is he doing here?”
“I don’t know, honey, he insists he’ll only talk to you.”
Xander climbed out of bed, “Tell him to wait in the solerium. I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Xander!”
“What?” He gave her his best innocent look.
~*~*~*~*~
“What is it Deadboy? Come to kill more of my family?” Xander asked as he entered the large dining room.
“Xander…”
He waved him away and made for the table and more importantly the coffee. “What do you want Angel?”
“To deliver this.” The dead man pushed a worn envelop towards him.
The handwriting on the address was unmistakable. Xander took the letter and began shaking.
“Xander? Xander are you alright?”
“Go.”
“Xander?”
“Go, or I’ll stake you myself!”
Angel only had a moment to register the pain in Xander’s eye before the man was in his face and screaming.
“I said go! You pathetic murdering hypocrite! Just get out!”
Having heard the commotion or more accurately having heard ‘their’ Xander’s raised voice, Willow and a handful of new Slayers appeared in the doorway.
“Get him out,” Xander hissed at the group.
The girls began to move forward when Willow stopped them. “Girls stay with Xander. Angel and I have some things to discuss.” She cocked her head- and who would have known that you could cock your head menacingly, “Don’t we?”
Angel merely nodded and stepped cautiously towards the red-headed witch.
~*~*~*~*~
Once the pair was in the hallway Angel spoke, “I really don’t…”
“Do you know why Xander’s so angry with you?”
“Habit?”
The condescending look she favored him with could have frozen oceans. “You took his happiness.”
“Spike?”
A nod.
“Oh God, he thinks it should’ve been me.”
“I don’t know, but I know that seeing you reminds him that it didn’t have to be Spike.”
18...Hope
Back in the dining room, Xander was being fussed and cooed over by the Slayers; the girls tended to be very protective of him. It was only natural as he was the one who found most of them and made sure they got to the Council safely and he always stayed around until they were settled. To them he was the big brother who showed them the way through a world that had suddenly turned upside down.
The doors opened and Willow’s crisp voice called, “Alright ladies, let Xander breath.”
“Is he gone?” one of the more vocal girls demanded.
“No, Angel will be staying a couple of days.”
There was general displeasure at this but Willow waved them back, her eyes meeting Xander’s, “He has some personal business to settle before he leaves.”
Xander got the message loud and clear, Willow wasn’t letting either of them leave until they were on non-stake-age terms again. Well, Xander would play his part, at least as far as the Slayers went. He put on the most sincere smile he could muster, “It’s okay guys; Deadboy’s not worth your energy. Now, get out of here, Willow and I need to talk.”
There was a reluctant chorus of “yes, Xander” followed by hugs, pats, and kisses as the girls left.
When the last of the girls left, Willow broke into soft giggles.
“What?” he asked, barely able to forestall Willow’s contagious laughter.
She just shook her head. “You do realize one word from you and those girls would take on Satan himself.”
“Nah, besides they’ll get over it.”
Willow moved to stand by her friend. “You should talk to him.”
“Why, so he can tell me all the evil Spike did back in the day and act like he’s all sweet and innocent?”
“No, so I don’t have to constantly worry about the two of you killing each other.”
“Oh, if that’s all, you can rest easy Wills. We won’t kill each other… we’re both too afraid of you and Buffy.”
That earned him a fist in the shoulder.
“Ow! Hey, invalid here, be nice.”
She rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around him. “If I send him in will you at least try?”
Xander squeezed Willow close and kissed the top of her head. “Anything for you. You know that.”
Smiling up at him, she kissed his cheek, “Thanks, Xan.”
~*~*~*~*~
Xander was sitting at the large dining table staring morosely into his luke warm coffee when Angel returned. He took the seat across from the young man.
The awkward silence was eventually broken by Angel. “I’m truly sorry, Xander. It wasn’t my decision.”
Xander didn’t look up as he replied, “I know and I don’t think Buffy could’ve lived with killing you a second time.” Absently, he began fingering the envelop in front of him.
“Xander, I know we’ve never been on the best terms but… He was my Grandchilde, he told me about the Claim and asked that I watch over you. I swore I would. I’ll be around for a couple days if you…”
“Yeah,” he said half-heartedly.
Taking a chance, Angel walked to Xander’s side and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know he loved you Xander. Will never did do anything by halves.”
The sound that escaped Xander was half laugh half sob; Angel squeezed the man’s shoulder affectionately and took his leave.
Xander waited until he could no longer hear Angel’s footsteps echoing down the hall, before opening the newest of Alyssa’s letters.
Greetings Alexander, how are you, my dear? I fear you are not well and that our William is the reason. I only wish I could give you more than these words. The time since my boy’s Trials has been so cloudy, the only clear thing has been you, Alexander- your love for William.
I do not know what has happened, only that it has hurt many and saved more and I can no longer find my boy and in truth that frightens me more than seeing his death. Understand, when I say I cannot find him I am not referring to death in the obvious sense- he is somewhere, somewhere that even I cannot see, but he still is.
Do not lose hope Alexander, if it is in his or my power William will return to you. I know he is your heart, just as you are the heart of your little family. Be strong for them and for William and let them in turn be your strength.
I leave you with my blessings, my love, my gratitude, and all my hope for your and William’s future,
Morgan Alyssa Cerridlyall
He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The prospect of getting Spike back was exhilarating. He hadn’t dared think it possible, and he wasn’t at all sure he should dare now. Just because Alyssa thought he was ‘somewhere’ didn’t mean he could come back. But maybe he could allow himself to hope, just a little.
19...Conspiracy
It was another nightmare, or rather the same one again. There was a flash and he didn’t scream. He didn’t scream because the flash which had always been a burning searing thing had become soft and warming tinged with a distinctive fiery green. “Alyssa,” slipped past Xander’s lips in a whisper.
“Alexander,” she smiled and peace filled him. “Soon love, you belong together. I did not abandon him- I did what I must.” Emerald tears seeped from her burning eyes and she lovingly kissed Xander’s missing eye. “I’m sorry my loves.”
There was a flash and twin screams ripped through the night air.
~*~*~*~*~
Half a world away a package was being delivered.
~*~*~*~*~
“I’m sorry Willow but I don’t see the justification, let alone need for such a risk.”
“Xander needs it. What more justification do you need?”
“A solid reason might be a good start. I can’t in good conscience send Xander to Angel, not with him running that ‘lawfirm’.”
“He wouldn’t let anything happen to Xander, he promised Spike, and you know how Angel is about clan things.”
“Yes, well.” Giles removed his glasses and laid them on his desk, he wasn’t quite stressed enough to start polishing them yet, but it was a close thing. “You know why Angel is so insistant?”
A nod.
“You’re unwilling to tell me?”
“I promised.”
“This is that important to you, that you are willing to risk Xander.”
The small redhead nodded her head fiercely sending her hair flying, “Yes, yes, absolutely, without hesitation, no question.”
Giles sighed deeply before reaching for his glasses, “I suppose I’ll have to trust your judgement.”
Willow practically bounced into Giles’ lap, “Oh, thank you, Giles. I promise this is the right thing to do.”
“Yes, well, we shall see. You’ll handle the arrangements?”
~*~*~*~*~
When Xander awoke he was short of breath and disoriented. Somewhere a phone was ringing. His phone; the caller id proclaimed it was Willow. He looked at the small device as if it had grown legs, he blinked, he looked around the decrepit room, he ran his hand over his scarred eye, ”I’m sorry my loves” and answered the phone.
“Xander! Are you alright?”
Shakily, “Yeah, Wills, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, Angel called and he was being all obsessive protecto-vamp, says he needs you in L.A. You sure you’re okay, Xan?”
“Yeah, just, um, my eye…”
“Oh, sweety, it’s hurting again? I could fix you some…”
“No Wills it’s not that… I seem to have both of them.”
“Goddess,” Xander could almost see the small hand fly to cover her mouth as she spoke.
~*~*~*~*~
Twelve hours and 10,000 miles later a disheveled and road weary Xander Harris made his way through the busy LAX terminals. Willow had said one of the LA gang would meet him and take him to his hotel; he only prayed it wasn’t Angel, he really wasn’t in the mood for Mr. Broody.
“Xander!”
“Wes, thank the gods.”
They greeted each other with handshakes and pats on the back- like old war buddies.
“It’s good to see you. You look good.”
“Hmph. Wes, if this is good you really need to get out more.”
The drive to the hotel was a relatively short one, even with the stop at Micky D’s, Wes filled Xander in on the status of the LA crew- most of it at any rate- and Xander assured him that the remanants of the Scoobies were doing well. Xander had asked a few times why Angel wanted him there, but Wesley always offered some nonspecific nonanswer.
The former Watcher helped Xander get checked in and into his room before asking, “When should I pick you up?”
Xander looked confused, “I thought this was some big emergency- what with the rush to get me here.”
“Well time-sensitive might be a better way to put it. And we didn’t want to pressure you after such a long trip.”
“If it involves meeting with the Sultan of Sulk then the sooner it’s over with the better. How ‘bout I grab a quick shower and we get this done?”
“Of course. I’ll call Angel and let him know.”
Within the hour, Xander was fighting sleep in Angel’s plush office waiting the vamp’s arrival.
~*~*~*~*~
“Alright Peaches, what gives? Ya say ya need my help- which in and of itself should have me worried- then come to find it don’t even involve killing or fighting and now we’re here at demons’R’us. What exactly is it you want from me?”
Someone owes me for this. “I need you to talk to someone.”
“Talk. Peaches talking’s your gig, not mine. Ya do remember which of us is which, yeah?”
“Trust me on this Spike, they’ll respond to you much better than me.”
Spike quirked his eye at his Grandsire, he had to be up to something; the younger vamp just didn’t know what.
As they approached his office door, Angel quickly added, “I think this will go better if I stay out of it. I’ll be in Wes’ office if you need anything.”
“Bloody brooding git’s finally gone ‘round the u,” he muttered as he watched Angel’s retreating form.
When Spike opened the door and stepped into the dimly lit office, the smell and sight that hit him brought him to his knees. “Xander,” he whispered the name as one would a blessing or a sacrement.
20...Consequence
Thoughts and feelings flooded Spike’s mind and soul. His Xander. His precious Xander. The man he thought he’d never see again. The one person in the world he wanted to be with more than life. His Xanpet. Here. In Angel’s office. He could kiss the ponce, though he’d rather kiss Xander.
Gathering his wits and pulling himself together he went to the sleeping form. He looked tired. Judging by the circles under his eyes his Xanpet hadn’t been sleeping well. No way in hell was he going to wake him, so Spike did what he’d done so often in Sunnydale a lifetime ago. He watched as Xander slept.
He listened to his breathing and the steady strum of his heart.
He watched as he entered REM.
He heard his breath become irregular and his pulse race.
Before the nightmare took over, Spike had Xander in his arms and was carrying him to Angel’s black leather couch. Settling himself with Xander in his arms he whispered soothing words and ran pale fingers throught the dark locks of the man he loved so much. Eventually, Xander’s breath and heartbeat evened out once again, lulling Spike into a warm sleep wrapped around his love.
Xander felt safe and happy, he was dreaming about Spike. Not his usual nightmares either, this was a proper dream. Spike was holding him the way he always did after one of Xander’s nightmares. He didn’t want to wake-up, the dream was too nice; he swore he could hear the low rumble of Spike purring and if he concentrated he could feel it radiating through his body, too. He could even smell the familiar aroma of nicotine and leather- although the leather was probably from Angel’s office, his sleepy brain helpfully supplied. Angel’s office!!! His heart jumpstarted when that thought registered.
And it almost stopped when a familiar British voice soothed, “Shh, ‘s ok luv, back to sleep with you,” as strong arms held Xander tighter and cool lips kissed his forehead.
Xander forced his eyes open and his body up. “Spike?” He stared at the dead man for a moment before launching himself back onto Spike’s lap and kissing him as if the fate of the world depended on it.
The kiss began as a frantic needy thing but quickly transformed into a soft passionate reclaiming; their arms wrapping around each other as both men assured themselves the other was real.
“You’re dead…”
“Yeah, part of being a vamp, Pet,” Spike smiled softly and cupped Xander’s cheek running his thumb over the once marred skin surrounding his left eye, “and you’ve got both eyes.”
Leaning into Spike’s touch, “Alyssa… she said she was sorry… I thought she meant you, but you’re here, real.”
“In the flesh, luv.”
Xander nuzzled into Spike’s neck, “Thought I’d lost you.”
Wrapping his arms possessively around Xander he whispered, “Never again, luv, promise.”
Pulling back enough to look into crystal blue eyes, he saw love and misery and fear there; emotions he knew were mirrored in his own. Xander ran his hand over the cool skin of his love’s cheek stopping to caress his lips with his thumb. “I love you, Spike. You know that don’t you?”
Spike turned his head slightly to kiss Xander’s palm. “I know, Pet, I love you, too.”
Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Xander nuzzled back into Spike’s neck muttering, “My vamp, not letting you outta my sight for the foreseeable future.”
Chortling, Spike murmured, “Whatever you say, Pet, whatever you say.”
There was a soft knock at the door, but both men ignored it.
Stepping into his office, Angel took in the tableau before him. Speaking softly, “Guys, I hate to interupt the moment, but I could use my office back.”
Spike’s “Sod off, Peaches,” was delivered without taking his eyes from his Xander.
Xander on the other hand was feeling a bit more gracious, “Come on Spike, he gave you back to me, least we can do is give him back his office.”
“S’pose you’re right.” He leaned into Xander’s ear and whispered, “’sides better places for what I wanta show you, Pet.”
“I can have Wes drive you two home.” Angel added quickly as a fresh wave of pheromones assailed his senses.
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